The
longing for companionship that I've managed to
repress for
God knows how long resurfaced today and hit me hard.
It's odd, most of the time I can easily convince myself that I'm happy being alone. But once in a great while, I get this feeling I'm not quite sure I can explain. The best way I can describe it is to say that it's the emotional equivalent of a desperate gasp for air.
When I get like this, I realize that I actually do fear being alone, but I fear getting hurt even more.
My last relationship was over two years ago. It was a long-distance relationship that fizzled quickly. I was dumped rather suddenly and unceremoniously. For a while after that, I carried around a lot of bitterness and anger that tainted my view of the world. It's an experience I'd rather not repeat.
Of course, I'll take the easy way out again. I'll just try fighting these yearnings until I've forgotten them, and go about my life, blissfully oblivious to the fact that they'll come back again.
Dammit, I really need to grow a pair.