And here is the last daylog about
my mom. It's not interesting at all as such; it is just something that is...
for me. My mom passed away on July 7th, 2011, after catching the
flu, it seems. And so it goes.
I seem to acknowledge grief on an intellectual level. Not quite sure what to do with it I start to analyze it. And I start to think. Well... duh!
My mom was an ordinary woman. As a mom she did her best, I'm sure of it. She was probably not a spectacularly good mom, but she was the best she knew how to. Like most of us, who trundle along through life doing what we do. I wasn't a very good daughter, but, again, I was the best I knew how to be.
Which is what scares me now.
You see: I have two lovely children. And now I wonder: What have I brought them up to be? I'll know, I guess, some time in the future.
Since my mom passed away I have been thinking and thinking about... my children and me. Remembering their childhood, drawing parallels to my own childhood; thinking about all the mistakes I made (and here's a heads-up for parents now and in the future: remember that all the mistakes you make are there forever. They cannot be unmade. Spooky, innit?). As a whole I did okay by my kids, but there are so many things I would like to be able to change. Or not. 'Cause then they wouldn't be the same people, and I really like the people they have become...
Anyway... I have reached a decision (not that it in any way is something new or anything, but now it is a conscious decision): I do not want to be like my mother.
Seriously though. I am still in the midst of thinking the whole thing over.
My mom will be interred (or whatever the term is when we're talking cremation) on August 5th. My daughter will be there, but my son won't. Because on that very same day Fniggles will become a big sister. She'll be getting a baby brother by the name of Oliver via a planned c-section.
Is that cool or what?!