Long story short, I was shoveling my driveway this morning, when some guy across the street peeked his head out his front door and started staring at me. What, you've never seen a woman shovel snow before? I thought to myself as I furiously hacked at the hardened snowdrift with my flimsy plastic snow shovel. Then he whistled, not like a catcall, just more like a whistle to get someone's attention. Leave me alone! Can't you see I'm busy? I muttered under my breath as I flashed a friendly smile and waved. I was busy, but I didn't want to be rude. Annoying neighbor guy popped his head back in his house and returned a few minutes later with a bag of trash to throw out. Again, he stared at me as I worked up a sweat throwing snow around. Now, this is getting annoying!! I ignored him.
So then the guy went back inside and returned wearing a coat. "Hey, you need some help?" he shouted as he crossed the street. "Sure!" Oh my!! I didn't just say that, did I? "Where's your shovel?" I asked. Maybe I can get out of this! "I ain't got one," he eloquently stated as he kicked a few chunks of snow around. OK. He looks harmless. So, I handed him my shovel. And, of course, he started a conversation.
him: "So, how old are you?"
me: I know where this is going!! Grr! I stopped being jail bait two years ago!!"Nineteen."
him: "19! You don't look 19! You look much younger than that!"
me: So you frequently hit on 15 year old girls? "Yeah, I know."
him: "So what do you do for a living?"
me: I'm a stripper! You like that!?!"I'm a
mother."
Ha! So there!
him: "A mother, huh? I work up at
John Morrell."
He stopped shoveling for a moment and looked at me as if he expected me to say something.
What do you want? A cookie? I smiled innocently.
him: "You married?"
me: "Happily."
*A short pause.*
him: "So where your husband while you out shoveling this snow?"
me: "
He had a late night last night. He's watching the baby. Plus, he shoveled yesterday."
him: "You have any sisters, or cousins or anythin'?"
me: "Only four brothers."
him: "Ha! Hey! I know how that goes! You got it rough!" He shouted with surprise. "Four brothers! Heh!" I'm sure he's imagining four brawny
Aryan guys cornering him with maniacal grins. Ironically, my oldest brother is 20, and certainly not the protective type. My husband on the other hand...
me: "You know, I think my car can fit through that gap now."
him: "You think so?" He replies as he scrapes snow off the cement.
With occurrences like this (no, it's not the first time this has happened), it's no wonder I dislike shoveling snow.