The thought of aliens coming for him was too much for John's poor soul. He threw himself off a bridge after escaping from the asylum that we sent him to when his paranoid ravings became too much for us. Our suspicions of his rampant insanity only increased when he was found hanging from the asylum's barbed wire fence early one morning, with scars and bruises all over his face. Why we bothered with him I'll never know.

His attempted suicide by airplane was the final straw. Though he was due out a week later, we thought it best that he stay at the asylum for the forseeable future. He didn't take it well.

When the aliens did come a'knockin' at our door looking for John, we were suitably pissed when they told us that they thought that John was the only person on Earth fit to distribute the Secret of Eternal Youth to the puny humans.

Selfish rat bastard.