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(This is actually something I intended to submit for the Wordmongers' Masque: Poets' Ball a while back but didn't because I figured it would probably have given me away pretty quickly. I think I was drunk when I wrote it as well. Still, why not, audience?)

O! divine delightful dingus
Sensual silicon sybarist
Simple sex-substitute? Never!
Nay, thou art an art form in thy self
Motorised or still, simple or clever
Reckless or restrained, but always rampant
Proud and protruding, or less so and lambent
Always ready to tease and titillate true
Or to ply and play and prong and prey
Or even both!

Gasp! Gasp! Quick, there! An ecstacy of shuddering!
Making me call out to my maker as I feel your sting
O graceful godemiché, bullish bienfaiteur
Who needs a man anyhow?

Carry me a consolateur, whisk to me a wand
Or offer me an olisbos, 'tis all one
For if thou wish mine grateful prayer
Gi'e me a dildo!

(Node 22 of 30 IRON NODES.)