Female seems to mad that husband is demanding monogamy.First of all, I am not mad. I am not happy, this is true - but most of my not-happiness stems from the fact Dan is depressed and I hate seeing him in pain of any kind. Dan's ideal, as mine, is polyamory. You know this. For him to decide that he needs a monofidelitous relationship for a time indicates that his depression has progressed further than either of us expected it would. The other source of my not-happiness is because I have other people whom I love and am involved with. A change to monofidelity with Dan means that those otherloves receive the short end of the stick, so to speak. I don't want to hurt them, either.
First of all, I have issues with female anyway. These mostly stem from the fact that female and husband are some of the many people who have told me that they loved me and then turned around and completely forgotten that I exist.
Yes, we both told you we loved you. And we did. When you made it very clear that you were not comfortable with an emotional relationship with either of us, and did not want to persue that, we both backed off. I am not in the habit of trying to force others into loving me, if they do not. Yes, I admit I was lax in keeping up contact with you after you moved home, but I am not the only one at fault, as you've said in your latest entry. But I've never forgotten that you exist, and I've never stopped thinking of you as a friend. And I am sorry you do not think of me as your friend any longer.
There has always been the belief that he could do better. Nick's opinion on the matter is horribly similar and only furthers my own beliefs.
Now this is one of the parts that really hurt. In fact, I'm not really sure how to respond to it. There are days that I agree with you - Dan is beautiful, stong, handsome, and I consider myself none of those. There are days when I can't see a bit of what he sees in me. But I trust him - with my life. And he tells me unceasingly that he finds me beautiful, desirable, and that he thinks we were meant for one another. And even on days where I do not see it, I trust him on that.
My mom once said to me it sounded like he was interested in me, and why didn't he and I date? I tried to explain the polyamory thing, and that he was pretty into female. I added that I didn't see what he saw in her.
As above, quite often I agree with you. But your mother was right, in that Dan was interested in you. But you already knew that.
My mom summed things up pretty perfectly. "Maybe he likes fat girls."
This line caused another major wince, but now that I'm thinking more clearly, your mother is right. With the exception of you Amber, and Valerie, every female that Dan has been involved with/been with has at least my size/general body shape. Obviously, there must be something to like in this body type, if I'm not the first girl he's been attracted to of this size.
That ends what was in the entry from the 15th that I am going to address. I will address a couple points from the 16th's entry, however.
Second, just because someone was my friend at a certain time in my life, and was able to hurt me pretty badly because of it, doesn't mean I still consider them friends. I do not consider Dan or Shayla friends of mine. They are people I know. Barely. They are people I know through other people. At one time I would have considered them wonderful friends, but neither side (me or them) has made any effort to keep up the guise of friendship after last December.
I am profoundly sorry that your friendship with me has hurt you in any way. I admit I am at a loss as to what exactly hurt you so badly, but regardless of what it is, I apologize for any actions that hurt you, Amber. *bows*
I did not mean to make everything sound as completely cruel as it did, and I am sorry that my thoughts are not sweet and sisterly all the time. But you know what? No one forced you to read any of it. I made a clear effort to warn those involved that they would not like what they read.Point conceded. I agree that you gave fair warning that you were going to be mean, though I had no way of knowing your thoughts were going to be about me. I wasn't even sure you knew what was going on with Dan and I, though I suspected that perhaps Debi had told you.
I leave you with this thought.
On my desk is a framed photograph, and propped up against it is smallor wallet size picture. I like the people in these pictures, because they are all smiling beautifully, and so glancing just to the left of my computer screen, I have this little cluster of beauty. The framed photo is a family picture of my dad, stepmom, Steve, and Heather, taken while I was a freshman in college.
The wallet is a picture of Shayla.
This another thing to which I am not sure how to respond. I am glad you still have the photo of me, and that you still look at it fondly. It does confuse me that you would continue to keep a picture displayed of someone whom you do not consider to be a friend, but that is your perogative, of course.
*takes a deep breath* Okay. I feel better, now that I've gotten out all my feelings in response to Amber's entry. I was going to add something here about my new job as satan's bitch - oh, I mean, as a telemarketer - but this is long as it is, and I think I will just post about the job later.