I once had a friend who was endowed with a particularly
morbid facet to his
sense of humor. This factor, not uncommonly, led to uncomfortable social situations. One of these events stands out in my memory, not because of the crassness of the quip, but because of the nature of the demanded
apology.
My friend, Gordon, went to visit his friends, Carl and Beth. Carl and Beth had spent the afternoon at a nearby
balloon festival. Beth answered the door, invited Gordon in, and told him that they had left the festival early because they witnessed one of the ballooners fall to his
death.
"Did he bounce?"
From that moment forward, Gordon was not welcome in their home until he apologized to Beth. Carl didn't really see what the big deal was, but couldn't sway Beth.
"Beth, I'm sorry if what I said upset you."
That wasn't really what Beth was looking for, it seems. She didn't want him to
apologize for upsetting her. It was what he said for which he needed to
apologize. In fact, what really
disturbed her was not that he said it, but that he
thought it. She wanted him to
apologize for
thinking such an
awful thing.
Speaking without thought is a common action. Almost everyone has done it. Almost everyone has apologized for it. Should you
apologize for thinking something? Can such an
apology be sincere? Can you sincerely tack on the "I promise not to
do it again" that is so often expected with an
apology?