Today, disgruntled Ottawa Senators right winger Dany Heatley held a 10 minute press teleconference to address his request to be traded away from the Ottawa Senators, and his subsequent refusal to accept the Edmonton Oilers as an acceptable destination. During the call Heatley stuck to his core messages while giving the inkstained wretches very little to chew on. He expressed no animosity toward either city or the fans in those locations, suggesting instead that his major complaint is that his "role was diminished" in Ottawa without elaborating on what that might mean.
Fans are left to imagine what might really be going on in Heater's mind, and what we might have heard had Dany quaffed a couple of wobbly pops beforehand, found a few extra minutes to speak....
Q: Dany, what makes you feel entitled to preferential treatment by coach Clouston?
Heatley: Entitled? Talent! I'm the superstar, and who is he? Coach Clueless. Some guy nobody has ever heard of. He talks about a team concept and defensive responsibilities. I'll tell you, if I wanted defensive responsibilities I'd of been a defenseman. Obviously you need defenseman, because it's in the NHL rules and stuff, though think how exciting the game might be without them....
But people have to have roles. My role is to score goals, not to prevent them. Look, does an airplane pilot take a turn serving drinks? No. Does he clean the johns? No. See, I'm the pilot, and the defense are like the stews, and the 'tender, well, he ... cleans up. You can't fly a plane by committee, no matter what Clueless thinks. Just shut up and let me fly the goddamned plane.
Agent: Uhm, no more questions.