Okay.
Labour are obviously going to win, the
Tories are a joke (look at the
silly little baldie man! watch him grin like a madman!), and the
Liberal Democrats have that embarrassing footage of
Charles Kennedy being unable to throw a foam bowling ball properly in an old age pensioners' home.
So there's no point voting. Why bother?
Because everyone is thinking the same thing.
I wasn't going to vote, and didn't bother registering. My polling card arrived yesterday though, so I must have already been registered - but I still wasn't going to bother. Then I thought, shit, if loads of people feel that way, and enough fucking idiots vote Tory, then we could have a problem. We need to get out there and make sure. Yeah, Labour are a bunch of shiftless fucks, the Lib Dems are wishy washy pretenders, and the Greens are a bunch of hippies who wouldn't know how to run the country unless it was an organically farmed veggie beanburger - but Christ, we can't let Hague and his stormtroopers fuck the place up.
So here's the plan:
Vote tactically - go to www.tacticalvoter.net, enter your constituency, and they can show you who to tactically vote for. The clever bit: they will buddy you up with someone elsewhere in the country, so you can agree to effectively swap your votes around - this keeps the Tories out, but still gives the votes to your chosen parties. For example: If your local constituency is a toss up between Labour and the Tories at 42% each, voting Lib Dem when they've only got 16% is a wasted vote. However, if you're a Lib Dem supporter, you can vote Labour to keep the Tories out of your patch, and get paired up with a Labour voter somewhere else who will vote Lib Dem for you. So you get your Lib Dem vote, they get their Labour vote, and you both get the satisfaction of seeing the local Tory's frozen smile as the returning officer announces that they've only got 6 and a half votes. Interesting fact: this was actually, I believe, an American idea to begin with. Obviously something got fucked up somewhere along the way when they tried it, but the idea is sound. If they'd started it earlier, they might even have avoided all those dodgy shenanigans. Check out www.tacticalvoter.net/voteswapping.html for a further explanation.
If you're not even sure who to vote for, go to www.whodoivotefor.co.uk - it asks you questions about you and your beliefs on certain issues, and then shows you which party is closest to you in agreement (you may be surprised).
Sort it out, folks, if I can shake off my apathy then any fucker can. Don't give that shagsack and his pile of fucking mongrel whores an inch, or we'll all be goosestepping and executing foreigners in the streets before Christmas.
Go! Now! Stop fucking about here, this is important!