I've been thinking a lot lately about the
ramifications of being
bi. It's not something that generally I contemplate much, except when teasing the
homophobic or deciding to make a point in
speech class. But recently I've felt like I should come out to my
parents... but I haven't been able to.
I've come out now to at least a few hundred people, most of them all at one time. The
National Student Leadership Conference.... nearly all of us
Law and Ad folk gathered at an activity called
Over The Line, I believe.... it started out with simple enough statements, like "
I am x years old" or "
I am blank religion". Those who agreed
crossed the line, those who didn't remained on the same side.
Then the questions started getting more serious. Things about
abuse, views on current issues.... the most memorable for me.... "
I believe that everyone is entitled to equal rights, even homosexuals"...
less than half the group crossed for that.
And finally- "
I am a homosexual or bisexual." Only three people moved at the remark, at least that I could see. The first, a rather pretty
brunette, crossed over quickly but did not turn to face those who did not follow. The second, a boy I'd seen occasionally at social events but never really talked to, went to stand on the line- bi.
The third was
me. Walking a few steps has never been so difficult. When the words "
Go back" finally came, I could barely stand, clinging to the arms of my two fellow
Lions. That night was the night before the
trial, and it certainly did nothing to improve my
performance that I spent three hours sobbing afterwards.
Since then, things have become far less stressful. But there is a reaction from others I have come to expect, that moment of
hesitancy, the muttered "Oh, right, I don't have a problem with that", the awkward "I have a few friends that are...
homosexual."
Tis
amusing, really. But it is no wonder that I still can't bring myself to come out to my
parents...