1.
"Math is very important to women," she said
to my rolled eyes & tuned-out slumped back.
"You will need math when you grow up." she
insists. I will hire people to do my math
when I grow up. She shakes her head, a calendar
clicking down the days to an Armageddon only she sees
raging. "VERY important!" Not
important. Math is
not important. Not.
1 + 1
Menstruation, like sunsets, used to be imbued
with a certain mundane wonder. Lately,
delusions of mathematically charged eggs
create constant equations. Ovulation
an exercise of decimal points & fractions.
I am an astrocartographer, charting the movements
of indigo interiors. Each imperceptible degree
of movement, a flutter of magnificent proportions.
(1 + 1 )/1
Equation:
{2.0 breasts divided by 2.0 nipples}
plus
{67.3268 Richter scale measurements of emotion
times 28.08756 Richter scale abdominal cramps, left.}
plus
97.2890 Fahrenheit body temperature
equals fertility.
Equation: Divide last cycle date
by grams of contraceptive jelly
plus {circumference of penis divided by area of condom}
multiplied by strength of condom
to calculate protection level.
Add 2 days of abstinence to achieve flow
in the event of leakage. Equation:
Add grams of vaginal discharge
to amount of orgasms
to percentage of non-oxynol 9 in spermicide
subtract {age of partner divided by
three statistical reports on average sperm count
multiplied by numerical score on the B.D.I}
Proof: Simple
Bleed 4.3598 days.
Add 23.6402 days.
Repeat cycle.
(1 + 1)/1 + 1
It is a green room
with knobs & buttons & silvery gadgets & big empty glass jars
& nose itchy chemical smells like the biology lab.
It is a nightmare multiplied by 2
added to {20 days + number of years old}
subtracted by {cumulative net worth divided by
number of years career building
subtracted by {anticipated net gains + increased living expenses.}
It makes whooshing, whirring machine sounds.
It is sterile. It is anonymous. It is impersonal.
It has cream accents.
It crinkles like:
failed homework assignments,
love-me high pitched laughter
a condom unfurling, tossed to the floor unused
eyes when flesh to flesh contact is made
It makes complementary colors -
red & green
red & green.
It sucks like math.
--Svaha (Her Divine Serenity)