Dihydrogen monoxide is a common chemical, used in both the industrial and commercial sectors. It is a deceptively simple molecule with some very interesting properties. Not only does it expand when chilled, it spontaneously enters a gaseous state even room temperatures and acts as a near-universal solvent. These properties make it very useful in a number of settings, but also make it a great threat to public health and safety in our society. Despite this, there are no laws or regulations limiting its use, and it can be found at surprisingly high levels throughout our homes and the environment.
Many major corporations are using dihydrogen monoxide as a coolant, releasing it, both in its pure form and mixed with other chemicals, into rivers and streams. It then becomes a major contributor to the erosion of the landscape. After evaporating, it is the leading cause of global warming. It collects in smogbanks, eventually to fall back down onto major cities worldwide.
It is a major contributor of the spread of viral and bacterial infections, and can be found in varying amounts in the bloodstream of all tested Americans, often resulting in hypertension, excessive sweating, and diarrhea.
It also encourages the growth of fungi and causes rot in wooden structures. It causes structural weakening and decomposition of iron and other metals, leading to billions of dollars worth of damage every year. It can also dissolve and spread many harmful chemicals. Dihydrogen monoxide was instrumental, for example, in enabling the spread of the Exxon Valdez oil spill over such a large area. It is also a major component of acid rain.
Dihydrogen monoxide is the most commonly used industrial chemical in the world, and it is found in many household cleaning products. It is also used as a food additive and is a more common ingredient in our municipal water supplies than either fluoride or chlorine. More than 3000 Americans die every year from overexposure to dihydrogen monoxide; economist Steven D. Levitt estimates that over 500 children under the age of ten die each year just from concentrations of dihydrogen monoxide found in their own backyards and public play areas.
While dihydrogen monoxide is often in short supply, government subsidies keep the cost absurdly low, and encourage its abuse and overuse. This overuse of OH2 is one of the greatest environmental concerns in the world today. If current trends continue we may see a death toll in the millions.