nymphomaniac (idea)

A nymphomaniac was any woman who had a strong, or uncontrollable sex drive. But the term came about in an era where "Good Girls Don't". Ony men could have non-marital sex without social consequences. Men wanted to marry virgins, and often shunned women who were not, even if they were the person the woman had sacrificed her maidenhood too. This stereotype was weakening rapidly, but still persisted when I entered high school in the early seventies. Much of the discussion of public discussions of nymphomania as a psychological disease took place in the late sixties, as the birth control pill and other methods of effective contraception allowed most women to choose sex without pregnancy.

It is for this reason that in her book The Female Eunuch that Germaine Greer encouraged women to have sex with men and lots of it. Non-marital sex was encouraged as a rebellious act in an era where a woman's sexuality was still under male control. Most women did not follow Greer's dictum- for obvious reasons- but women began experimenting with sex. Women also began demanding sexual pleasure. In the 1960's, the ideal form of sex involved conventional intercourse with both partners enjoying simultaneous orgasm. Now, I've done that and it's great, but it isn't common even between skilled and devoted partners. Oral sex was not publicly discussed until late in the sixties and especially in the seventies with the publication of The Joy of Sex.

It is important to remember that sex is fun for both men and women. Sexual pleasure for women was not a major social concern until the sixties because it had nothing to do with conception, and because American society was- and to a lesser extent still is-- a patriarchy. If men were concerned with giving women sexual pleasure, it was primarily to encourage them to go 'all the way' before the sexual revolution asserted that mutual sexual pleasure was both a woman's right and man's pleasure. But even in the seventies, the stigma that "good girls don't" remained strong, with promiscuous women shunned even by other women.

In that context, a nymphomaniac was any woman who regularly enjoyed casual sex. Nymphomaniacs were sought after by men as short term dates--- read old issues of Playboy Magazine and you will see the references to nymphomania that have all but disappeared today.

So why might a woman enjoy regular casual sex? First of all, it's fun and they can. Only very charismatic men or rock stars can find a steady supply of willing sex partners. A pretty woman can do that easily. Most do not, because sex is risky and because something so easily obtained is of little value. The quality assumption is so deeply ingrained that many women don't seem to feel much desire in the absence of a romantic partner.

But sex is fun, and as such a potential form of gratification. Sex can win you attention, and for emotionally needy people that may seem a good trade. Many so-called nympomaniacs are people who combine a strong sex drive with a need for intimacy. Others are simply women who have decided that the conventional social structures need not apply. They want the right to choose their lovers, to celebrate platonic relationships through touch, and simply to savor their sexuality.

So, no Virginia, there are no nymphomaniacs. There are just women, in all their wonderful variety. Men call women nymphomaniacs when they do what men wish they could do.