In the spirit of the holidays I like to don two particular pieces of headwear. If you know me you will know that I enjoy wearing hats, some funny, some serious. My favourite hat this season is a striped toque with a huge pom-pom that my grandmother made for me when I was a young boy.

Normally I wear a Santa hat so I can ask my female friends to sit on my lap and let Santa make their Christmas wishes come true. Yes, I can be pretty sleazy.

The other favourite of mine is the mistletoe hat, which can really be worn with any other hat. It consists of a piece of semi-rigid wire protruding from the front of the head with a piece of mistletoe hanging from it. The mistletoe could really be fake, or real mistletoe, the effect is the same. The more adventurous(read: lecherous) may instead opt for the mistletoe belt, but I will not be responsible if your friends start ignoring you.

God Jul bork bork bork...

It hasn't happened yet, but it will. Someone is going to put a rant underneath here to the effect of "You arrogant prick do you really think you can get girls that way? I would never..." the answer is no. It's just a joke.