not just another ugly face...
lately, i've been having the greatest
sleep on the bus. i'm not tired, yet i fall asleep only to wake up right before my stop,
refreshed. not at all groggy or sleepy. i don't know whether i'm falling asleep or have attained some kind of trance.
when i sleep at night, however. i have dreams about my own death. i dreamt that i died. i drove my car off of a bridge. dreams like that scare me
"it might be a bit of your nana's clairvoyance" says my dad last night.
i've started writing again. badly, but at least it's something. i discuss this in my scratchpad. at first i thought it was a sign that i was no longer happy. now i know, that it isn't my disappearing happiness that's cured my writer's block, it's the fact that...
i've begun to fantasize again, begun daydreaming. i went camping last weekend, a boy i have a crush on smiled at me. now i keep wondering, daydreaming the what-if's. there's nothing really there, but
it's the building up in my mind that keeps me going. i don't think it's unhealthy. yet.
i don't think i have the capability to be happy with what i have. i'm not unhappy, i don't cry at night because i can't have something(one). i just need something to crave.