Have not done a day log in a couple days, or noded much at all. This is due partially to the lag (which, I discovered, is not nearly so bad when using icab), but also due to the test I got back in C++ on Friday, which I bombed. I need to spend more time on C++ and less time on everything. Figuring out how to do this is difficult.
I have gotten into the bad habit of sleeping half the day away on weekends. It feels great, but makes it hard to get back into a normal schedule during the week. This is going to be a busy week. I need to actually start working on finding an internship for this summer, somehow related to computer graphics, web design, other computer design, or art. The internship needs to either be extremely intersting and useful or in the Cleveland area. Also, this week, I need to figure out what I am going to take next semester. Next semester is going to be really busy. In order to graduate in December of 2002, I am going to have to take something like 19 or 20 hours of classes. Yipee!
Gessoed a few canvases today. Hopefully will start painting on one of them tomorrow. Need to spend more time painting.
Still trying to figure out A. I can't figure out what she wants or does not want from me. I know she wants and needs affection, but I cannot tell if there is anything more than that. Granted, she is under considerable stress right now and a relationship may not be the first thing on her mind. (She has been having considerable troulble getting her parents to pay the remainder of her tuition bill for this semester.) I just don't know what she wants.
I walk into her room, if she is there, and she is sitting at the computer, madly typing, mainly with random flirts on AIM or ICQ. She is glad to see me, but doesn't seem to really want to talk. She wants my affection, although she does not say as much. She does not want me to leave.
Recently, when she has been talking, it is has been about all the crappy stuff that has been happening. (And a lot of generally bad stuff has been happening.) I just don't know what to do. I like her, but I would like to be able to actually talk with her.
I don't know how much I can deal with her. As a friend, I care quite a bit. I want to be nice, be the sweet boyfriend, but I just don't know if I have the energy to do that, or if that is what she even wants.
I really need to just sit down and talk with her.