display | more...

Good news, friends. I am here with Mr. Saurbrueken of Bell Labs. He is here to talk to us today about rocket ships. He is from 1963. He has traveled in time in order to tell us about rockets. Put your hands together for Mr. Saurbrueken who is not aware that he has traveled in time. He is trying to book a Pan Am flight to Los Angeles. It is CRAZY.

I would like to introduce new words into the lexicon. Would you like to be part of that? If you join up, I will give you a free sticker. So, how about it? Call my office. Make an appointment. Sliding scale.

There are things we could talk about in my den. This is sometimes called a "man cave" but I call it a den. I hang out in here with pretend "buddies" since I have none. I also have no love life. I shoved a knife into my scrotum because I am possessed by Friend Behr. I am sorry. I killed him. I took another man's life and now I have taken over his everything2 cult membership. Something like a gym. Or one of those sauna places where men sit around each other naked for long periods of time. I am undecided on that as anything I want to have involvement with. Seems unseemly.

I like going through certain rotaries. But only in 1987.

There are things we could talk about. In my office. Come and see me. Book an appointment. I am a competent psychiatrist. I see you cheap. Eighty buck an hour, but sliding scale. Always remember that sliding scale. And that furniture store. And that pretty girl on the sidewalk. You had rude thoughts. You were a rude person. I don't know why I tolerate you in my life. Perhaps it is because we are part of a cult.

Mr. Saurbrueken wishes to address you:

Hello. I am Mr. Saurbrueken of Bell Labs. It is nice to see so many young people out there today. I mean, really out there. You could come to Bell Labs and go on a tour. A tour of my nut sack you freaks. What the hell is wrong with you? Wear a fucking suit to a lecture. Assholes.

Thank you for visiting with us today, Mr. Saurbrueken. We are pleased that you spent some time with us. Interview questions? You won't answer? You're mad? Why mad?

It is a condundrum.

Medically yours,

Dr. Peter Swilling