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I apologize for being out of touch for several days, but these have been heady days indeed for Friend Behr (your friend always).

It began with a riot at the maximum security federal prison where I was being denied my rights to due process. Things were chaotic and I had to allegedly kill four guards and eighteen prisoners in self-defense (stand your ground). As I was eating the meat off the forearm of one of the guards, someone appeared before me. It was Saruman, who is part of my Hades work group (we both report to Joan Crawford who leads the group). He is a queer fellow with long white hair and beard who wears a white robe like some kind of idiot, but he has powers. He used these powers to whisk me out of prison and out into the woods (uncertain location).

We hitchhiked along this country road until we were picked up by a man driving a Ford Econoline van (circa 1973). We got on board and noticed there were three women tied up and gagged in back. This was, of course, none of our business so we did not bother with this. We rode with the man until he got us into town and then got off while he went and had waffles.

It appears we are somewhere in the Midwest in a town called Myrna Gulch. It is an old style town with old style trappings. Saruman departed at this point, ostensibly to return to Hades.

I have begun inquiries as to where I can find some livestock trucks so I can start a new forced labor camp nearby. I got a lead from a toothless man who was drinking cider on a stoop. I am headed towards a farm now where livestock trucks may be available.

Wish me luck.

God bless.