Today I am very sad. Friend Behr sad. Please support me.
My wife, Trixie Goats, who was social distancing from me by being in another state from me for the past four months, has filed for divorce. She cites, "Emotional Distress after learning that my husband maintained forced labor camps and had left a trail of mass graves in his wake in which hundreds of his victims were buried." This is very unfair.
This is not to say that I dispute her claims, just that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DISTRESSING about finding out your husband operates forced labor camps and buries his victims in mass graves. I could just leave the motherfuckers to rot in the sun, but I show CARING by burying them in mass graves. Otherwise they might be attacked by ravens and buzzards. This proves that I am a good person.
I contacted a lawyer this morning who believes I have a solid case. Trixie wants half of my 672 trillion dollar forture as part of the divorce settlement and my Slick Willie type lawyer believes that the short period of time in which we were married, along with her having no serious complaint whatsoever about my behavior towards her, makes her case likely to be thrown out of court.
Regardless, it proved to me that my wife does not care about me. How could she do this right after I had my ass cheeks cut off by Antifa terrorists and thrown into a fjord like hams? Have some compassion, lady. Very upsetting.