Because I (your friend Behr) tore out all his organs and threw them in the trash, thus proving conclusively that "medical science" is the greatest hoax perpetuated on mankind, I am hunted by the "scientific medical community." Because I offer proof of their sham to keep people alive past the point of them being able to work 16 hours a day, seven days a week, while absorbing punishing physical abuse 24 hours a day visited upon them by heavily muscled guards in polyester 1970s era tank tops with pictures of conversion vans on them, they want me dead. Also because I have personally slit the throats of 300 country doctors while "taking a holiday in the midlands."
Because of this, I have decided to order cable, even though the noder putting me up at his house opposed it (I already killed him and completely covered him in lime so the point is moot for sure). They used to have a channel called HBO back in the early 1980s when I was married and didn't know my wife was having an affair with a real estate type who was a better cocksman than I was. I hope they still have it. Would like to watch some HBO.
Do you have HBO at your house? Would you let me stay with you and your family for a couple weeks, or for however long I deem necessary to influence the politics of the world to cause a freedom revolution?
If you are interested, I can give you an application to host me. There is a $70,000 non-refundable application fee which must be paid with an uncancellable check. Do not send it to the old Baltimore address. I can't get to that PO Box any longer on account of corrupt Obama-era FBI agents who cannot accept that there is a new (and correct thinking) sheriff in town. Idiots.
I would also like to note that coal mining is America's future and we must begin maximum coal mining IMMEDIATELY. Let me tell you something I learned from the fabulous book series, The Anals of History, and that is that coal mining built America and made it great and then liberals came along and complained about "pollution" and America went off the rails because we stopped coal mining.
Now we know that "pollution" and the "science" behind it was a big liberal hoax. Coal mining must now continue. Workers will be gathered from ALL CORNERS OF AMERICA. If you are idle, you WILL be forced at gunpoint into a livestock type truck and taken to a hilly area. There, the absolute shit will be beat out of you by a huge guy with muscles wearing a tank top and skin tight pants. He also has combat boots. Your left shoulder WILL be dislocated and then you will have a shovel pressed into your right hand, the hill will be pointed at by the guy in the tank top and you WILL start digging for coal, 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, with eight hours for listening to intimidating lectures, sleep, and eat the ONE wafer and ONE cup of water you get each day before bedtime.
THAT is the kind of America I want to live in. I will be amongst the wealthy classes, drinking champagne and laughing as the profits from our coal mines come ROLLING in.
If you CANNOT work, then you will become food. Once we prove our dominance over the planet, kill the plants and animals, and pave everything over with concrete and hotels, there will be only one source of food. I look forward to it.
My friends.
#BehrinPhilly2019