Yesterday I had a major breakthrough in one of my plans to improve America (country). As you know, I have been building a fleet of livestock trucks so that I can round up idle people and force them to work in my coal mines at gunpoint. This noble undertaking had hit a speed bump or two along the way, but now that I have my armed militia buddies with me, and the fake virus has caused people to isolate, we were able to round up and fill the first livestock truck. We stuffed 100 deadbeats into the back, cramming them so tightly that three people's livers exploded, fourteen people lost control of their bowels, and one idiot had a "heart attack" (a liberal myth) and died. We tossed him out on the side of the road for the vagrants to enjoy. They do thing to the dead. Or so I heard from a guy I met outside a donut shop in Duluth in 1992. It is apparently quite something to witness (a movie starring Harrison Ford who once nibbled my muffin top).
Laziness is something I refuse to tolerate. As many remember, at a noder meet in 2009 I took a young couple out into the woods and shot them because they told me they hadn't worked in six months. I don't tolerate that. If you tolerate that, your kids will be next.
We took our truck of 99 people (on account of the fool who died - may Lucifer enjoy his soul) and drove it to my coal mine, which is basically a giant hole I dug in upstate New York which has already partially filled with water. We used cattle prods to force these lazy bastards into the mine, but one of the ones whose bowels let loose in the livestock truck, after I forced him to clean up his sin on his hands and knees, whined and told me he needed to go to the hospital because he has a "condition."
I'd never heard so much bullshit in my life. As you well know, all science, especially medical science, is fake, the product of the corrupt liberal media. I proved this two years ago when I opened myself up with a pair of rusty garden shears, removed each of my so-called organs, and tossed them into a standard trash can with no liner. I found myself in Hades after that, where I earned a battlefield promotion and was assigned to Joan Crawford's work group and returned here.
Having great ideas the way I do, and a net worth that now tops $338 trillion dollars, I decided to do good works here on Earth. Once I get these coal mines up and running and fill them with the lazy, who I will train to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without any breaks whatsoever (the way God intended), I will begin reopening the textile mills and factories this country so badly needs.
Right now my fleet of livestock trucks numbers 15. I do need to purchase some more and I've decided I am willing to let you people help me purchase them. When you send $70,000 via uncancellable check to Berhardt Goats, General Delivery, Utica, New York, I will personalize one of my livestock trucks by putting your full name and social security number in large letters on the side of one of the trucks. Is there a better way to memoralize your dedication to helping your good friend Behr save the world?
Each uncancellable $70,000 check that you send (I recommend investing early and often) will allow you to sponsor one truck. Now, you can also request that the name and social security number of a family member be put on one of the trucks. That is a good way to have the world remember them before or after they die. If you like, for an additional $140,000, you can have your face or the face of a "loved one" (another liberal myth) painted on the hood of one of my livestock trucks along with your telephone number and some personal information people can look at as we drive through the various towns of this country.
I am giving my friends here at everything2.com brand website and affiliates the first opportunities to invest. Don't miss this opportunity. You won't see another one like it anytime soon.
God bless, my friends.