Over the past couple of weeks things seem to have changed for me quite a lot and I’m not entirely sure why. I suppose growing up is a good thing because it means you are closer to become the person you will be for the rest of your life. That sounds kind of
scary I suppose and I little bit weird too. Not only has my outlook on life changed but so has my age, I have now grown to the grand old age of sixteen.
Sixteen, that sounds kind of
scary and I feel like there is a huge
weight of pressure on my shoulders. It shouldn’t really be like this, I know it shouldn’t, but I do realise that as you grow up things have change and it can’t be the same forever, as much as I would like it to be.
When I was a young child I used to love birthdays and everything that surrounded them but even a week on from my birthday I am still thinking of it as a horrid day. It isn’t really the thought of getting older; it is the thought of things being centred on me for one whole day. It was my sixteenth, I should have been extremely happy and excited, like everyone else was for me, but all I could wish was that the day would finally come to an end. From experience I know that my Mother hates everything about her birthday because she is becoming older but that just isn’t the case for me. To me it seems rather bad that I have already started hating birthdays at such a young age when I have so many of them to come. How can I prevent this? Perhaps next year I won’t even mention my birthday, that might just work!
As Easter looms I can see my GCSE’s coming even closer and I am filled with dread and worry. People around me try to tell me that everything will be OK and that I am bound to sail through my exams but this just seems impossible. I try and broach the subject with my Mother but she is just like everyone else, sure that I will pass easily without any problems and I can’t help feeling that thought is just so far away. I am now six weeks and counting until I walk into that hall for the first time and take my numbered seat. The only comforting thought within my mind is that I will know my friends are in the same room and wishing me well; another thought that rears its ugly head is that my Mother will be at work thinking I will easily pass.
I have been thinking a lot about the current system and how I really do not believe it is the best way; it just causes too much stress. I want to be a teacher, to help people to learn the way I have been helped but I can’t help thinking that this system would just be the wrong way to do so. Children, like me, should be happy and enjoying their childhood and I wish I’d had more time to do that this year and that is what I want for the next generation. Is that so wrong? I don’t think I could bear to see my children as tired and stressed out, as I have been other the past two years of my life, maybe it is time for change. Like I said before, change can be good if it is done in the right way.