April 1, 2005

Shoot, man. I thought this Ninja gig was going to be good, y'know what I'm saying? Me and Sevon got into this bigtime, and we were gonna be like, hardcore ninja crimelords. We still will be. I gotta hold onto the dream.

Ok, ok, so we knew we were gonna be starting smalltime, like as minions or like that. We figured that. No one starts at the like John Gotti level, or Suge Knight, or whatever. But we thought, like, some bigtime talent would recognize our skills and put us on his cru. Like maybe some mafia Godfather, or like, maybe not Lex Luthor or the Joker, but one of those smaller but still cool old school supervillains. Their minions always have the most boss outfits.

But who do we get to finally hire us? Freakin' Jade Croscola. What is this? The best we can rate is some freakin' ninjette whose idea of a hardcore score is kidnapping some mascot, some smiley tiger. That's why I have the lame name here at this, like, blog site. It's kind of like a joke.

And our crib? Croscola's Secret Lair? Man, it's like a closet no one's using in the basement of this insurance company building. Ok, so maybe technically it's a room, but if you, like ran into it real fast, you'd hit the other freakin' wall! And she's so freakin' proud that we can slip by the Insurance guys. Yeah, that's SO hardcore, Jade. I am blown away by your buttkicking ninja skills. And she's a big name in these parts? Man, we gotta find a new town, you know what I'm saying?

So that's our big job for Monday. We walk in and walk out with some smiley, bouncy reject from freakin' Winnie the Pooh. The security's like, what? Some old guy with a cell phone?

But, she says they'll pay, like, serious g's to get this tiger back, so what do I know.

Oh, and you know what Jade "I am so totally eeevil" freakin' Croscola calls this outfit? No, really? We're "the Great Ninja Assassin Revenge Posse." So like, who is going to take us seriously when we're known as "GNARP?" And revenge? What are we supposed to be taking revenge against? Does she even know what "revenge" means?LAME!

Posse is so freakin' passe. Posse is for posers, not hardcore buttkicking ninjas like me and Sevon.

Ok, ok. It's like that Stephen Covey guy Sevon's always quoting says. "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing." He's so, like, smart. If I just keep this the main thing for now, and like, do my best, and be the most butt-kickingest Great Assassin Revenge Ninja I can be. We will do this crappy job for her royal Evilness, and we will do this crappy job major buttkickingestly, and then we'll look for a better main thing.

Maybe one with cooler outfits.

Shoot. I'm gonna go surf around this place for more horror stories to put me to sleep. Man, I wish this place would let me vote already.

"Oh my god. Which god would that be? The one that created you, or the one that created me?"

Do you ever think about the tree of knowledge of good and evil? What the hell was god thinking? That's like giving someone a box for their birthday present and adamantly telling them not to open it. And what's so wrong with understanding the difference between good and evil? Without that, Adam and Eve could've sinned all they want, even killing other people, but as long as they didn't realize their sin, they would be exonerated of any guilt. It's similar to a retarded person getting off even though he's slain his mother.

To me, hard drugs can be related to that forbidden fruit. In and of itself it is not evil, so to speak. And then the high itself is not wrong. In fact, forget applying morality to something as human as controlling one's state of mind. The consequences of doing drugs is quite simple: now you know. Warning, you cannot unknow. Once you've experienced the bliss, in what way is it logical to forsake that state of mind? Obviously, you have to weigh up all the negative consequences of drug use, and maybe even fully experience them, before you decide to stop. The problem is that usually by this time you're physically addicted, and because you can't unknow, you'll be mentally addicted for the rest of your life.

Now why am I waxing redundant to the person I've had this and related conversations with the most? Beats me. I guess I just wanted to hear the keystrokes of my own mind.

Do you realize that the internet is a step in man's evolution? A major step. It is the first occurrence of humanity's hive-mind. Think of the bugger queen from the Ender series. We as humans are not devised that way however. We have to become active participants in our own evolution. I was in the bookstore the other day and had the pleasure of reading an entire book while I was there. What a bargain. This book was authored by the creator of Dilbert, Scott Adams. God's Debris: A Thought Experiment was highly entertaining, even if it treated difficult philosophical and metaphysical problems in a flippant manner. I recommend it.

One cool idea was the thought that the Big Bang was in fact god destroying himself. If you are omniscient, than you have no need to learn anything. There is no such thing as self-improvement. God is not even subjected to experiencing boredom. Being presented with all this, Adams theorizes that there is only one thing that god would do as a challenge for himself. You guessed it: destroy herself. And yet, god's destruction is not an end, but rather the beginning to an unknown process, which we are intimate participants in. We are just one step along the way of God's Debris coming together to recreate god. This would do wonders for the fact that god seems to be largely absent, or separated, from humanity's plight. Cool idea methinks.

I'm not sure if this is an adequate explanation for the tendencies of evolution. Why does evolution consistently create more complex organisms and stellar objects? This flies directly in opposition to the laws of thermodynamics. Physicists have not found any demonstrable force, law, or proof that explains this tendency. It is truly mystical.

Lately I've been fixated on Super String Theory. I've always been a sucker for metaphysics, and this theory is out there, still on the fringe of accepted physical theories and models, and definitely reaching for logical substantiation. It is a fascinating subject though. To summarize, SST describes a universe where all objects of matter (ie a quark) and energy (ie a photon) are not actually point objects, but only appear to be because of their size, which is smaller than the Planck length. These bits of the universe are the result of tiny string's, closed in a circular loop at two dimensions, vibration. Different vibrations result in different objects. How beautiful to think that the Universe can be thought of as one of the most complex and harmonic symphonies imaginable. One of the results of this theory is that the universe is actually comprised of ten dimensions, and physicists explain away the fact that we only live in four dimensions (don't forget time) by saying that the other six dimensions collapsed upon themselves early in the history of the universe. We're talking about when the universe was only a few milliseconds old. Like I said, interesting, but still deep in the early stages of inception or usefulness.

If you have read down this far, congratulations!, you get a cookie.

I've been conflicted about the whole wedding idea from the start. I don't like the lace and all the white, I hate the overpriced and over-hyped wedding industry, and all the etiquette and outdated symbolism of every little detail drives me nuts. All my relatives find it strange that my fiance and I are just doing something casual, having a party (not a reception) and that we are completely throwing out the idea of color coordinating the entire event.

I don't want traditional and I want to maintain some iota of feminism in this whole tulle-infested ordeal, but it hit me tonight that maybe I wish I could just have fun planning my wedding. Maybe thinking about veils and flowers, in a very low-key sort of way, would actually be fun.

I want to go to my best friend with this, the girl who's going to be my maid of honor, but she doesn't care. She doesn't want to talk about flowers or veils or anything except the shudder-inducing horror inspired by weddings.

The problem is, I can't really complain, because ostensibly, I'm right there with her. Except that sometimes I think maybe a wedding could be fun. Maybe part of my dislike for this whole wedding thing is that I feel like I'm going into it completely alone, without even a friend to snicker over stupid bridal magazines with.

Now, I haven't been a noder for as long as many of you, and I've never gotten past being an Initiate. I have, however read many of the wonderful things here on E2, and contributed a little. I've come to have a great respect for the Everything Database, and those who use it. I have come to think of it as a great work of humanity, as there are so many opinions, classic works of literature, original creations as good as anything else I've read, and other expressions of what makes us human here within the nodes. That's what makes E2 so much better than the "competition" in my opinion. Today, however, I discovered this whole "Google Communities" thing. I have only this to say: if it weren’t the first of April, I'd be quite angry.

I know that this Google buyout isn't for real. For a moment though, I did. I was so enraged as to create a node called "Messor's Last Stand," in which I intended to rant angrily at everyone for what seemed to have happened. The moral of the story, I suppose, is that you should never take E2 seriously on April 1, and that we all should think before acting, lest we clutter the server with useless nodeshells.

I was even going to say "You've killed E2! You bastards!" at the top of my node...