"I must be too dumb to be proud, 'cause I waited.." -
OLP
This is what I think of when I
remember how I felt when he decided that I simply wasn't what he
wanted or
needed anymore. How I felt when he
neglected to tell me any of this, but instead acted like a cruel, mere shell of a human being. I waited for him, and I believed that he was waiting for me, since he you know,
told me that.. but I know now it was all a
lie. He tells me, over and over, that
he has no reason to lie to me. In a way, it's
the truth, he probably hasn't lied to me, he just never bothered to
tell me anything. It's all a tangled web of hidden bullshit. That's alright, I mean, really, three years of
my life, I don't
deserve anything for always being there, never giving up, etc..
The funniest thing in my
Universe is the fact that I am his
friend, but he is not mine, not anymore. I am there for him,
always, I can't help but be it hurts too much to abandon him, but he has abandoned me. I can't call him and
ask that he just simply talk to me when I am down, or happy, because he is far too caught up in his own
world,
life,
lies.
Where do you drop off a
broken heart for repairs, so that you can go on, live some sort of life? I don't mind if it isn't
perfect, but a little
mending would be nice. Sometimes I think it may even be healing on its own, but its only
a matter of time before it's ripped wide open, exposed, by something as simple as a
song.
I mean, god damn, I didn't think there would be such
fine print and infinite amounts of
anguish attached to
this thing called love.
I don't miss a lot of things that go along with having a relationship,
I just miss the closeness.. would anyone like to join me for a hug and a warm cup of
compassion?