Typing this on an iPad so not sure how long it will be. I have a keyboard, but it's charging. Update, I tried using it and couldn't get it to work - insert sad face emoji - I'm sure the girls will figure it out in two seconds once they get here. Lately I have been terribly lonely. It's deeper than sadness, it's as if I will spend the remainder of my days with people who interact with me on a superficial level because they are compelled to for some reason.
My apartment is coming together, but it doesn't carry the joy I thought it would. I spent too much money, I want a new computer, many things just don't matter, this is the anxiety medication flattening things out and helping me discover the buried emotions I have yet to deal with either on my own or with my therapist. I'm in a better place, but tonight I am sad and depressed, maybe it's the loss of familiar surroundings, or knowing how upset my youngest is about the move. Possibly it's the money, but it doesn't seem as if that's the core issue.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Bought myself some new clothes. It was exciting to be able to fit into a smaller size. The austerity is coming. Winter is knocking at my door and bringing cough and flu season as its guests. My sister believes I may be lacking an enzyme that helps me break down high histamine foods. Trying to cut them out, hoping that reduces the inflammation, I think it will. Just frustrating to have to go through this again, there's a lot of upheaval in my life right now, I need hugs, soup, a long hot bath - how I miss taking baths, but I have to count my numerous blessings while the tears roll down my cheeks. Nothing lasts forever, the good, or the bad.
Be well,
J