As a 10 year old, I got my first video game system - the
NES - and spent hours playing
Super Mario Brothers. As a teenager I thought that the Mario Brothers series were video games, but lately I've become convinced that they were really a field training manual for navigating
urban environments.
I say this not because a city is literally filled with
goombas and
coopa troopers, but because considering my experience, it might as well be. You see, as you walk on a crowded street, at a certain point you won't be able to help but to see most of the other
pedestrians as little
video game villains. Now, of course, all of us as human beings are special and unique. Little Susie's gotta a lovely red pimple above her lip, and the way that that lad Johnny's nose oozes out moist boogers are unlikely to be replicated among other human beings. But when you are walking along a very crowded street with 100s of people squeezing past each other, you kinda forget that each person is an individual and they all blend into a one solid mess of identical villains that you have to navigate past in order to get to your destination. So, it's a very
Mario Brothers like experience, because you are basically trying to clear a path for yourself and treating the other pedestrians like physical objects. Of course, just like in Mario Brothers, your attitude towards your fellow pedestrians is hostile avoidance. In the video game, you gotta jump over those annoying coopa troopers and goombas to get to the end of the level. If they all looked like unique individuals, you wouldn't be so hurried to rush past those villains, but would instead be prompted to stop and admire them.
Unfortunately, many other video games have made the deadly mistake of creating interesting enemies that lure the player into indulge in a visual feast of cute villains. For those of you who know the
Commander Keen Series on the PC, beware of the
dopefish. This huge green fish with huge swirling eyes and a smile whose two jutting teeth that clearly huge overbite seemed like the most insane video game villain I've met at that point. Now, I was too busy looking at that freak of nature to actually want to avoid being eaten by it so that I could beat the game. Unfortunately, the "cute villain" problem doesn't escape you in the city either. Thing is you'll manage to successfully navigate past thousands of pedestrians if they are just ordinary, but if someone really interesting comes along, they might just get your defenses down. If you are a guy like me, a polite person who approaches you with a friendly smile and a nod of the head will cause a momentary confusion and shake up your interest. They might even have something interesting to say and get a good conversation going.
But as dopefish proves, cute villains are still villains. Half of the time, such an encounter is bound to end in your conversational partner asking for money. I don't know about you, but I am likely to interpret this as a very hostile gesture, even if the money is for a good cause. Either way, some of these people don't take the refusal to donate very kindly. Insults and harshly-voiced reprobation do happen in some cases but only those who have experienced this themselves are likely to believe me. Now, in this extremely difficult situation, it's once again best to look to Mario Brothers as inspiration. If you are stuck chatting to whatever person is pressing you for money or whatever else, it's because you are treating them like a human being and not a
villain. Faces, gestures, voices, and emotions make us sympathize with people and treat them more kindly than their behavior warrants. To get rid of your own sympathy, it's best to dehumanize this
extortionist in your eyes by thinking of him as a simple Mario Brothers villain. In my mind, an extortionist has to be dealt with like those Mario Brothers' turtles with huge shells who stand on their hind legs and throw hammer sledges in your directions. These human-turtle hybrids whose eyes are too small to be seen on the screen are repulsive enough that you cannot mistake them for anything other than an enemy. Thank god, video games make villains ugly enough to make you respond with appropriate hate. In this one aspect, they are superior to life.
Now that you've been able to turn your tormentor into a reptile, your contempt and indifference towards that creature will help you abruptly end the conversation and leave the scene without feeling guilty. (Remember: After all a reptile that makes sad eyes and comes up with a pitiful voice to convince you to donate his charity is still a reptile, so he won't be able to play on your sympathy any more.) However, for the sake of safety, you need to put as much distance between you and that person as possible. In dense urban spaces, it's hard to get away quickly. But a special case like this warrants you running past a crowd even if you bump into people by accident. Remember
Mario's trick: He sometimes gets a
magic star and runs quickly towards the end of the level while brushing up against every one in his way! Heck, if anyone ever says that
video games are too abstract to offer any connection to real life, this one point certainly proves the contrary. "Run like the wind when danger faces you" may be one of the most important lessons to learn from a Mario Brothers Video game. Take my word for it, this is not something so obvious it needs mention. I, for one, have spent too much stuck in conversation with threatening people for the sake of politeness. And not everyone's out to get a donation either. Some want to sell you on God, others want to saddle you with a fierce delivery of their staunch held political convictions without letting you get a word in edgewise. Remember: though we always start talking to human beings, in the course of the conversation they can turn into repulsive reptiles with sledgehammers.
Now, a small disclaimer: I don't mean to demean people who raise money for charity and approach people on the streets to ask for a donation. I really only take issue with those who adamantly and persitently pressure and or attempt to manipulate a person into making a donation after they refuse.