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David, this is unacceptable.

You've been gone for six weeks now, and everything is falling apart. David, this is unacceptable. It has been raining for three days and the garden still looks terrible. David, this is unacceptable. Tivo has recorded no fewer than six episodes of Tremors: The Series for you. Nickelodeon isn't even showing reruns of Invader Zim anymore. The other night I found myself watching Out of Africa and I don't even like Meryl Streep. David, this is unacceptable. Every time I call your voicemail picks up and while I always enjoy hearing your voice I think mine sounds small and dorky and I don't leave a message. I just don't know what to do with myself. David, this is unacceptable. Two of my best friends are marrying people I barely know and I think they're making a mistake and I think they might know and somehow that's the worst part. David, this is unacceptable. The toilet in the upstairs bathroom is broken again and makes strange noises during the night. David, this is unacceptable. My mother is dying of a series of little strokes just like her mother did and she never calls me anymore. The multi-vitamin I take every morning only has 20% of the rda of calcium and I'm out of milk, will I get osteoporosis? David, this is unacceptable. Our cat is a picture of lethargy and is slowly sitting his way into history. Amber is going to Italy and Michael is going to Nepal and I am here without you and you are somewhere else with Robin and Sunday is only a day away and sometimes I measure my days by the minute and that's an old lady's thinking. David, this is unacceptable. My skin is breaking out and I think I may be dying. My head hurts, sometimes I can't see if it's too bright out. David this is unacceptable. I can only read the first twenty chapters of any given book and I always lose interest before I get to the end. Sometimes no matter how I open the book the letters wriggle around on the page and I get a headache. David, this is unacceptable. My favorite movie of all time isn't available on DVD and probably never will be. David, this is unacceptable. It's raining again and it's too hot to stay awake for very long and I can barely drive for all the idiots on the road. David, this is unacceptable. I tried to call the contractors five times yesterday but nobody answered except for the bitchy receptionist and she said they were all in a meeting but I think she was lying. David, this is unacceptable. I don't feel good. David, this is unacceptable. I'll never get the piss smell out of the basement floor and it's not my fault that the waste pipe collapsed. It was that awful plumber. I wasn't even supposed to be there that day. David, this is unacceptable. The contractors explain things to me like I'm a moron who's never dealt with a major construction project before. I am not a moron. David, this is unacceptable. I'm just not as smart as I think I am. David, this is unacceptable. I made collages in Elisabeth's studio but stopped when I ran out of glue. I went back to my studio to make collages and found myself with unlimited quantities of glue but I couldn't bear to pick up the scissors. David this is unacceptable. Elisabeth tried to call her ex-boyfriend the other day and got his new girlfriend. Can you believe that? They only broke up a week ago! What next? David, this is unacceptable. I have dirty laundry in my head and all over the bedroom floor. I thought of an excellent metaphor last night and wrote it down in my notebook to use later but my notebook has a hole in it and all the excellence leaked out of my metaphor and I can't find it anywhere.

David, this is unacceptable.

David, this is unacceptable.

David, this is unacceptable.

That's what.