Don't read this if you suffer from debilitating anxiety attacks.

Ok.
Friday was 11th day working (full spectrum family practice doc) in a row and zebras all over the place. First specialist call was to radiation oncology. He had to look it up and call me back. I am not kidding. Then got the introverted thinker and we jammed in the car to cuzes house. I was really tired driving and she sang to me to help me stay awake. Missed the exit and had to use damn cell phone (thinker called) to get instructions from the next exit. Stayed with Cuz. Spouse of Cuz made comments about my Calvin Klein pale ivory silk suit. Sent eyeball rays of death, but I really was so tired I didn't care. Actually sent Eyeball Rays of Don't Fuck With Me Because I Am Really Tired And I'm Beyond Diplomacy.

Saturday up at 5:30 because brain wants to get up after 6.5 to 7 hours sleep. Cuz gave me her songbook. I want it to have music especially for the ones I don't know. Can I find time to do the music for her? Maybe. Not now. Maybe someday.

Drove Introverted Thinker rest of way to Portland. Ergh. We'd gotten directions from Nephew. Told him name of pool. He printed out. Was Wrong Pool. Introverted Thinker (IT)did not cry, I did, because I was so tired and didn't want to drive any more. Told her that I would get directions from someone else next time and she pointed out that so far, no matter WHO we get directions from, including me getting off internet, have been wrong 100% percent of time for 4 years. This has got to be some kind of record. The Beloved has a totally evil sense of humor. We stopped at two places to ask for directions and they were both wrong too. At the second place I saw a newspaper article "Swine flu in Mexico". FUCK. Not that it's unexpected. Managed to concentrate and not scare IT. We made it on time by a squeak. One of the other parents started to tell me about a GPS, hoping to fix me, and I said it wasn't a good time. He looked at my face and decided I meant it. I made sure the Introverted Thinker was set and told her I needed to be ALONE. She understood. Other parents also understood and I disappeared.

Went to a Portland Goodwill, was on the way to Powell's and got sucked in the door. Found another nice second hand suit and a few cashmere sweaters. They are warm. There was a cool leather jacket. Was $400. No way. I went back to the pool. Got there right at one. IT in tears because she knew I needed to leave at one to get back home so I could sing in my concert. Comforted IT and did her her. Left the other parents to apply the melted knox (synchronized swimming is a WEIRD sport) to her hair. Got in car, drove back to home, 4+ hours. Was supposed to be at the church by 6. Got home at 6. Told Extroverted Feeler expected his presence at concert well behaved or else and found black clothes to put on, the scarf that makes us match and my music. And a black folder. Did concert. EF there, behaved. Father (General Singular) also there. Went well, very fun, some fabulous soloists. My one line solo as a nun was well received. I am destined for greatness, clearly. I got to do the line about the father son and holy ghost in latin. How appropos.

Was a bit too wired for bed. Went to the venue in town where they'd had a nice ad for some dance thing that night with some guy wearing next to nothing from the waist up and nice muscles. Unfortunately it was over. Went to another venue and they had a pretty fab woman singer, who started with John Prine and kept getting better. I was in the back and couldn't see, so stood on my chair. Nice chair, with gently giving caning. The people at the bar could see me and didn't care. I danced on the chair, much to the amusement of the singer, for 30 min. No one else was dancing. Then a nice group of visiting young women, self-proclaimed lesbians, joined me and one of them asked me to dance. We danced until the set ended. She told me she was in a drinking contest with one of the others and winning. I did not join them in the contest. Talked to the singer in the break, bought her CD, explained I was too tired to stay for last set and home to bed.

Sunday am woke really early. Had bought paper on way back from Portland. Already in Texas and California. SHIT. Called alternate parents and called sister, hide out. In any emergency first check your own pulse. Thought was actually nice that I have so far entirely ignored my taxes and don't know which pile my W2 form is in. Pulled out all the camping gear and filled every plastic selzer bottle that I had saved. Looked over books, musical instruments and art supplies to see what I think is important. Explained my concerns to ET and told him he'd be getting a flu shot the next day. Even if it doesn't protect against "Swine flu" if they've mutated enough, one could get both. That would be bad. He said, "Mom, we need a gun." I said, well, think a gun is lower priority than water purification. Besides, I'm not getting back in the damn car. He helped me organize stuff. IT called at 4. She won top place for synchro figures in her age group. There were 7 of them, this is 5 states competition. Okay. She was in tears from being tired. Instructed her to sleep in car and that she was to skip school next day if exhausted. She was pretty bouncy by the time she got home.

Monday am. Took EF to school. Took IT to school. Ran around. Bought water purification, one filter and one set iodine tablets. Bought other survival gear. Looked at a GPS but $400. Damn. There's a solar power doowop that you can buy in addition. Damn. Spent $700 at coop on food supplies, mostly storable except the carrots, greens and jerusalem artichokes. Some was medical supplies. Bought an ok first aid kit. I don't have my own AED damn it. I was at the coop for at least two hours. Joked to the checker that I was finally laying in my disaster supplies. Ha, ha. With the bridge closure looming Friday, no one batted an eye. Personally I'd freak if I saw my doctor buying what I bought. Met with D and D for coffee. They are freaking out in a calm way. The female D thinks that the executive branch has plans for the extra powers. We hope it's to kick the banks butts a la Great Britan and to lay down the law for univeral health care, but we're a bit too cynical to hold our breath. Retrieved IT from school and the EF too, and got the EF's paperwork notarized for the exchange. Gotta mail it. Tired, gosh, don't know why, in the evening and think I went to bed at 8 pm.

Today. Woke at 5, which is sleeping in for me. Tried the Bach remedies. Yum. Whenever I am running on right brain instead of left, something electronic in my house breaks down. Computer, cell phone, whatever. Today it was the coffee maker. I looked at it with some annoyance (damn thing was a wedding present so it is only 19 years old) and decided that I didn't need electricity to make it work. Put all the filter and coffee in and boiled the water. Poured it in and put the pot under. This coffee maker even has the Impatient Bitch attachment, meaning it stops dripping when you pull the pot out. Heh, heh. Off to clinic. The zebras are swarming. Gave a lot of flu shots. Is now noon and think I'll go to lunch. Hasta la vista.


Will add more links later. Need lunch. More patients in 40 min.