Iron Bitch Alien Lizard is 19.
She is at college in Wisconsin. She starts dating a guy. He is 6 foot five with the really dark red hair. In fact, he has red fur. Hairy. Eeeeee.
He is Navy ROTC and Born Again. Iron Bitch figures that since her parents are atheist beatnik pacifists, she is probably rebelling. Fuck it, isn't that what college is for? He is rebelling too. His family are nice Wisconsin Lutherans. They go to church faithfully at Christmas and Easter and maybe once or twice else in the year. Pretty laid back religion.
"Why Navy?" asks Iron Bitch Alien Lizard.
"To see the world," says RedFur.
Iron Bitch AL laughs. Then when he looks offended, she realizes that he means it. Well, ok. She apologizes. Just because she's been an exchange student, she shouldn't be arrogant about travel. Families have different resources and amounts of money.
That summer he is off on a Navy ship. It goes to Japan.
"So tell me about that."
"Oh, Japan was pretty. I went running."
"Running? Wearing what?" asks IBAL.
Shrug. "Shorts. A shirt. Running shoes."
"Well did anyone see you?"
"Well, yeah." He looks confused.
"Yes, but... you have red fur and you are 6 foot 5. I would think the little Japanese kids would run after you down the street yelling gaijin monster or something."
"...I didn't notice."
I thought you joined the Navy to see the world, thinks IBAL. Might need to fucking pay attention.
Redfur is memorizing bible quotations. He quotes them at her.
"Hey," says Iron Bitch Alien Lizard, "That doesn't mean that."
"What?" he says.
"That is out of context. I know the rest of that. Here, where is a bible?"
Iron Bitch Alien Lizard is right. She has barely set foot in a church, but her time warp beatnik parents sang the Messiah and all of the Masses that are sung. Also they play them on records. So parts of the bible are set firmly to music in her head. He is learning shit that can be misinterpreted if taken out of context.
She takes a self defense bible class. Her favorite bit is the term "sitting on the household gods". Yeah, Ruth. Or some bible wench. She has to hide the household gods so she sits on them. When the Pharoh or whoever soldiers come through, she says modestly that she is on her menses so she can't get up. So a bible euphemism for a woman's period is "sitting on the household gods". Yeah, baby. News she can use.
She goes with RedFur to his home, small town Wisconsin. His mother puts her out in a little guest summer house, while he is to sleep in the parental house. With his mother lying across his threshold and his father outside with a baseball bat, guarding the windows, thinks Iron Bitch. He does walk her down to the summer house. And kisses her.
Lying in bed, frustrated, Iron Bitch Alien Lizard thinks about Jesus. Ok, Jesus, I accept you into my heart and life and whatever. Even though I ain't a fuckin human. BUT, I want to go to hell. First, the people there gotta be more interesting. Second, if one stupid version of Christianity is correct and all the others go to hell, well, then God is an asshole and I'd rather go to hell. And that goes for any religion, no one should go to hell and the atheists either. So there.
Iron Bitch Alien Lizard doesn't realize that she's just become a Unitarian. Because the Unitarians don't believe in hell... which disappoints her a little when she first hears it.....
....until she figures out a work around.
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For the SyFi Quest. Yeah, make shit up.