This is my first time noding drunk.
Tonight was the student art show at my school. Tonight I got really really drunk and tried to kiss you and kept hugging you and babbling at you even though I'm over you and you wanted to leave, and I kept telling you how good you smell and how much I love you you fucking asshole who had the gall and the evil to kiss me and then forget about it you asshole you asshole you asshole. "Oh oh, let me count the ways that I abhor you, and you were never a good lay and you were never a good frien and oh, oh what can I say, I adore you" (Ani DiFranco)
I even told you I wanted to fuck you. I told you I'd written stories about you. I told you I'd painted you and you said that you knew I was playing this game when I tried not to talk to you for weeks you asshole.
And now I just want you. I want you and I miss you and you're going away and then what do I do? You wouldn't let me kiss you. You let me kiss you on the cheek and you kissed me back on the cheek and you told me you weren't bullshitting me when you said that that wasn't the end of our relationship.
I'm tired of being alone. I know it's better this way. But after getting fucking jerked around this whole fucking year I want somebody ( I WANT YOU) to love me back. I had so much love to give. SO MUCH. I want to give it. I loved you. And now I've got to go. And you will never call me. And you will never remember me.
I haven't been this lonely in years. I'm going to miss you. Seeing you made me so happy. I'm going to miss you. But this is the end and I know that. I know. "Sitting on a three-legged chair, tying yellow ribbons in my hair. Still wearing that same five dollar hat. Even though I know you're never coming back. Even though I know you're never coming back." (Sylvia Mann)
You're never coming back.
Now that I'm sober I feel like I want to mention that the night wasn't all that bad. Well, except for that hour or so consumed by my attempt to tell a certian someone everything I ever wanted to tell him ... and even that ... it was stuff that needed to be said and I'm glad I said it. At the show I got a ' best in show' award for my work which, after a lot of discouragement of late, meant a lot. I got a lot of support from people who mean a lot to me.
There are no goods, there are no evils. There are just the things that happen and what you make of them, methinks.