Even more so, do not watch Fight Club in any sort of repetitive manner at all anytime even remotely near the goddawful consumer blight known as the goddamned holiday season.

It was great. I was done for the semester; I had some time to myself; I had recently fallen in love with Edward Norton; I was at the end of a time of advanced self-reformation and life-reevaluation: I wanted to watch Fight Club. I wanted to watch Fight Club a lot. So I got it on a five day rental and watched it three times in four days and then tried to go shopping for all my friends I don’t know anymore and my senile old grandmother and my teenage brother and my incredibly bizarre parents and all I could find at any of the stores I went to was JUNK!!!! Junk, junk, useless decorative overpriced crap, and more junk, junk, JUNK THAT NOBODY NEEDS!!!! I have not felt so violently pissed off in such an anti-materialistic maniacal way in my life, and everywhere I went were figurines no one had room for, toys everybody I knew was too old to enjoy, food no one would want to eat because everybody’s on a goddam diet, dollar stores full of crap, and clothes that no one can possibly have room left in their closets for.

Anti-materialism is a very, very dangerous sentiment to be subscribing to this time of year. Not dangerous to you, necessarily (although if you have any self-restraint at all it can be taxing on the soul to have to swallow so much bullshit) ... Nooooo. Dangerous to every one of the overfed, money-grubbing, consumer-mind-washed morons around you who are lucky you don’t have that gun to go traipsing around from office to office with, stalking....