I feel a
tightness in my chest
every time I think of you
Distraction in my
temper, flowing
every time I wander
to the time we spent
together
I feel my heart flutter
(that I used phrases like
that
in the height of our
dreaming)
with a closing, miserable pain
every time
I think
of how much time I wasted
in this
abyss of thinking
I could cure you
and of how much
hate
you've given me
since I realized I couldn't
(of the
scarring in your eyes)
and therefore left
to save myself
from
losing myself too.
every time I turn
to how you won't seem to grasp
that
I needed this
to how that throws the love I tried to give you in my face and makes me
burn
to all your horrible horrible fears.
(Sometimes
love and disgust evoke such
similar, if crippling,
responses.)