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Breathe More Deeply.

You walk in. I feel you. The room becomes warmer and more full. Most of the time. Sometimes you are not in a good mood, and have this impressive ability to turn anything to ice. Maybe it’s those eyes. They are such an intense shade of blue – they can be as warm as the Caribbean, or as cold as the artic. When they are warm, they are like a hug. One of those long, close hugs that make one breathe more deeply.

You set your stuff close to mine. Same spot you have probably been in for years – long before I started coming around, but still. You set your stuff close to mine. Sometimes when I’m sitting, and we chat, you sit close. I so enjoy that. You always sit closer that necessary, and it makes my heart flutter. Sit as close to me as you want. It’s best when we are alone, and the space between us disappears. Still – I breathe more deeply.

Your hand is in mine now. I am not sure what time it is, in the center of the labyrinth, sometime between midnight and 4am. Much merriment led to this moment, and a fair amount of liquid courage. Taking a deep breath, I confess. I confess all the things. Finally, after months (May be years) of pining, I can breathe more deeply.

Taking deep breathes, we talk. We share. We bare our souls- if even only for that night. We stay present, we hold each other close. We breathe each other for real, for the first time, and not for the last time. We both breathe more deeply.

Some time has passed now. Some things at home have gotten tough. I am afraid you will run away. Unnecessary chaos or drama. Do you really want that? I tell you it’s hard. I tell you I understand if you want out. I also tell you I like this, I like you, and I don’t want this to stop. You look at me calmly. You tell me it’s ok, you are patient. You breathe, and I breathe more deeply.

Middle of the woods. No cell phones, no luxury, nothing but the stuff on our backs and the great outdoors. Potential for tension, and there is none. At least between us. I have been fighting a meltdown all weekend. Once again, things got tough at home. A savage text before service is lost leaves me raw and questioning. Yet I am in the space with you, and it all feels so right. It’s hard to breathe. So much I want to say, so much unsaid, fighting back tears, how much is too much? We are back at the cars – it’s now or never. I don’t say much, but I say enough. I disclose my fears – and I admit to catching “feelings”. There is some implications in that, some – well one – unsaid word. I am afraid. You take my hand, you kiss it, you hold it close. You breathe more deeply and I breathe more deeply.

It’s sometime in the future. I have not been here yet. I don’t know what it will bring. The present is you across from me – shallow breaths as I race to get the words out before I run out of time. I am afraid to look up. What do you see when you see me? Breaths still shallow at the thought – I need to remember to breathe. I look at you, and I breathe more deeply.

I breathe more deeply.