"I want to live forever!!" the greedy man said. He had somehow stumbled on the magic lamp. The Genie side-eyed him.

"Cutting straight to the chase, eh?" they said, sounding bored.

"You heard me! I get wishes! That's how it works!! My first wish is to live forever!!" The man was an ass.

"You could at least say please," the Genie replied. "Or maybe ask how my day, or year, or eon was going."

"You must do what I say!! I rubbed the lamp!! I am in charge!! You will grant me my wish!!!" The man was nearly shouting at the Genie.

"How original," they shrugged, still bored. Before the man could retort again, they fixed him with an intense stare, their red-gold eyes boring into the man's murky grey.

"You are certain this is your wish?" the Genie asked.

"Of course I am!!" the man stated.

"You are absolutely positive you want eternal life?" the Genie asked again.

"Did I stutter, you fool? Are you dumb?? Are you deaf?? YES!! I want to live forever!!!" The man was shouting again. The Genie hated shouters.

"I ask you one more time. This is what you wish of me, eternal life?" the Genie was almost whispering.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE YES!" the man bellowed. The Genie sighed.

"Thrice I have asked, Thrice you have answered. You ask me to grant you eternal life, and so it shall be done." The Genie waved their hand and snapped their fingers. There was a puff of smoke. The Genie went back to their nap in the lamp, willing the lamp to transport to a new, secluded location, waiting to be found again.

The man was gone. In his place, sitting on his counter, was a batch of Amish Friendship Bread starter. During the search, his roommates unknowingly divided him up and passed him out to the acquaintances who helped look for him. So the cycle of eternity began.