The diagnosis made of
Susanna Kaysen of
Girl, Interrupted fame.
Another indicator of BPD, though not critical, is a history of sexual abuse.
A label for being rebellious, sometimes comforting the sufferer with the label, thereby questioning the desire to rebel. Perhaps the worst label doctors ever tried to stick on me. I'm more acknowledging of manic depression and suicidal tendencies (still a bit rash, though, IMHO). A few years ago it was dysthymia, so I guess I'm doing some mad psychiatric social climbing.
For me BPD means that I live in a society that does not give me proper outlets for self expression. It means that I have yet to find ways of self-regulation and that I a not always in control. Giving in is so painful, and this is what fuels the fight. It means that psychiatric disorders are not as romantic as we hype them up to be (Samuel Taylor Coleridge paid a mighty price for Kubla Khan), and that the ends do not always justify the means.
Having a psych disorder is like having the most intense love-hate relationship you can ever imagine because it is within yourself. The euphoria of mania is addictive and sometimes the only outlet for your creativity, but you live wondering whether or not you'll make it to the next cycle. Like a crazed Icarus, you fly into the sun drawn by it's energy, forfeiting the obvious: life.
BPD, to me, is not an excuse, probably because I refuse to honor it in the same way as I do manic depression. Perhaps psych disorders are, for me, more of an explanation of myself. My fallen muses and I act quite capriciously at times, butterflies not knowing the hurricanes we are stirring.