Today some dear friends of mine leave...
Today is the big day, the day that has been planned for some months now. Today friends of mine are leaving and did I get to see them? No, but that was my fault. I talked to one of them on the phone for a while, she listened to my life as it was happening at the time, listening and observing. I freaked her out. Things are all wrong at the moment, the slashing of my arms with a serrated knife, the coke, the pot, the nervous breakdowns, the restless nights of 3 hour sleep, insomnia, work. I hope that things go well for them and I'm sure I'll be able to talk to them online as they head on out, as they go on their journey to another state, a journey far away. All I can do is hope for the best for them and try to work on the situation and hole that I'm digging for myself. I seek to online friends to help, they can't. I wish there was someone here that would just fucking hold me in their arms and say everything will be alright and then just lie down next to me as I fell asleep. But its a facade, no one online can do that, I need flesh, I need skin touching skin, I need to feel the persons breath on my skin as they say "goodbye". All I know is that things are really fucked up right now, and then tomorrow is my long time (as in together for a long time) ex's birthday. *frown*
FUCK YOU WORLD!!