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Aboard a space station orbiting the earth, James Bond has yet again saved the entire world from total annihilation at the hands of The Criminal Mastermind Association, with the help of a “Bond” girl of course (pussy something or other). One unfortunate side effect of saving the planet was that the space station was exploding itself! James and the “Bond” girl didn’t have to worry about any enemies because Mr. Bond dispatched them all with a single bullet. Suddenly the speaker system screams;


They soon became aware that their time above the earth was about to be cut terribly short. It was too much for James Bond to handle


“Come on James, its not that bad. You’ve had a good run. You’ve saved the planet a fair few times and you’ve entertained your fair share of women too”

“That’s not true”

“What do you mean that’s not true?! You just saved the world again now”

“No not that bit, the women bit. I’ve never even kissed a girl”



“I Know! It’s terrible. I would have turned 37 tomorrow as well, but now ill never have a first kiss”

“That’s not necessarily true”

James, thinking that this was an invitation to have his first kiss, lent in towards the “Bond” girl and received a hard slap to the face for his efforts. Needless to say Bond was shocked and a little taken aback but he had no time to think about this as his shoe phone started ringing right then.


“Hello James, this is Q”

“Oh, hello Q. What it is?”

“I’ve got some excellent news for you James; you’re not going to die!”


“The only thing wrong with that space station is the fact that the P.A system is faulty and keeps reporting that the station is going to self destruct. The Criminal Mastermind Association got the station for a bargain price because of it, actually I was thinking of picking up one myself for MI6 and ...”

Great. Now Bond was going to live after all and he would have to live with his actions. After an extremely awkward space shuttle trip home Bond immediately went to Q’s lab and the “Bond” girl went straight to M’s office. They both tried to explain what they thought had happened to both M and Q. Eventually M and Q come together to try and sort the situation out. Q spoke first;

“This whole situation has gotten completely out of hand, it was only a misunderstanding”

“Pish-posh, this was a deliberate attempt to sexually assault one of the best female agents we have by an utter sleaze bag”

“How dare you call our best agent a sleaze bag!”

“Well then, there is only one person who can solve this”


“Judge Judy”

“We will sue the pants off you”

“Oh dear Q, don’t tell me you want a sexual harassment court case as well?”

“Of course not it’s a figure of speak M. Goodbye”


Judge Judy, being her usual self, decided whose side she believed in the first minute and that side was that of the “Bond” girl. The final decision cost Mr. Bond both his job and $20 million. M and Q where never friends again after the incident.

James “Window Cleaner” Bond went on to become a high-powered window cleaner…he still saves the world every now and then.

The “Bond” girl used her winnings from the court case to create a “Bond Girl Union” that advocated the rights of all “Bond” girls.

M had her name legally changed to K to avoid further contact with the media

Q decided to give up the inventing game and now travels the countryside performing magic shows.

Judge Judy still sucks.