In case you were wondering about cramps, it is
easier to prevent the pain before it shows up than
to fight it when it is washing over me. In case
I ever forget this I will be
called back from somewhere
in my sleep and reminded ever so painfully. It can happen any time of day but am alert to the smaller twinges that I sleep through in nights.
I should not think I am safe for a bit because I took
Advil two hours before bed. It may not seem like I
would need it again till morning but I do and how can
I forget these things when this is My Body?
For next time (like last time) I should remember swimming up from a deep deep sleep and surfacing doubled up on myself, clenching everything that can be clenched. But I didn't last night. Maybe I deserved the pain to balance out my happy day but mostly I was stupid stupid stupid.
Do not tell me it was forgetful not stupid, it was
Stupid with a capital S.
It is horrid to lie crunched in bed, it is like
Ouch and Damn I Forgot The Pills Again. It is like
opening my eyes to find an elephant on my belly,
trying to pry me apart. It is like stumbling around
in the dark, naked, trying to find a robe to
envelop me in mock warmth on my way to the bathroom.
Retching.
I fumbling found my pills and shaky swallowed them and
crumpled in on myself on the toilet seat. Please Please
Please I know it takes half an hour and I know it
works best on a full stomach but Please Please
Please. In bed again I keep the bathrobe on for
more bundling and try placing flat hands for warmth and try
breathing for calm and try thinking good thoughts like
notebooks in the mail and friends and phonecalls like
magic and Ouch Ouch Ouch. Do not be surprised when I tell
you that it didn't work.
I was like Hurt Me Plenty and I was like Fuck You Uterus and I was like MommaMommaMomma and I finally fell asleep.