The Modern Sadomasochist
(with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)
Note: this is to a modified version of the music from "Modern Major General", from Gilbert & Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance. The author of this is Elf Sternberg, at http://www.halcyon.com/elf/.
Where to cut you, where to pierce you, all your body's pressure points,
And how to tie and how to bind and still protect your tender joints,
And with a whip I'm good enough that it's as nice as being kissed.
I am the very model of a modern sadomasochist.
Von Sacher-Masoch was a wimp compared to shit that I've been through,
De Sade is just a starting point for what I'm gonna do to you,
I play with fears and crying and with making you so very pissed,
For I'm the very model of the modern sadomasochist.
I've traveled 'round the country to teach people pain and ecstasy,
Califia and Fakir and John Preston all take notes from me,
All of this attention's making me a raving narcissist.
I'm regarded the most learned of the modern sadomasochists.
My leathers used to be unique but now the kids all wear these clothes.
Even my pin-striped boss was seen to have a ring pierced through his nose.
Yes, life's no fun when everyone thinks I'm a fashion conformist,
'Cause I'm the very model of the modern sadomasochist.
And sometimes people give me grief for not being political,
But I have no desire for conflict beyond my bedroom walls.
Don't think of me as liberal or radical or anarchist
I'm just the very model of the modern sadomasochist.
My community it means well when it looks to me for leadership,
But I just want to be alone to play with girls and wield my whips,
And now that I've revealed all this I must go see my therapist!
I am the very model of the modern sadomasochist.
Author can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
URL for original is at http://www.halcyon.com/elf/. (Deep-linking avoided at request of author.)