I had told Jay to write something down for me (my hands were all soapy at the time). I came back later to read my
thoughts but found that he had used chunks of
hamburger and spray
cheese to spell it out and it was
illegible. Completely illegible…
I am in a car with my parents. My mom is driving, and we are on a highway, speeding toward an exit. When it is too late to change course my mother indicates that she has made a wrong turn and we will begin careening shortly. Shrugging and gripping the wheel she says, “Sorry”. My father is incensed.
The car flies over a hill and for awhile we are airborne, floating out over the highway. We brace for impact but we land like a giant bird, as if we had meant to do it that way. For a second we are triumphant, relieved, completely alive.
Suddenly a van appears, hurtling through space. The driver sees us, makes frozenscreamface and slams on the breaks. The van flips and catches fire. My mom gets out and runs over to the van. My father gets out, lights a smoke. I run to the van and learn that the driver is dead. My mom is crying, “Get on the phone!” she tells me.
I run back to my father. He is pissed when I tell him to call 911, as though he was expecting it, like I have let him down and confirmed his worst suspicions. As I am talking to him he gets younger and younger, cutting backwards through time. Soon I am speaking to my father at 19, the age he was when I was born. He is glaring at me. “Things would have been different if you hadn’t come along,” he tells me, eyes narrowed to slits.