Well of course it was going to be a great roaring ring of whirling
fire surrounding Sparrow.
She didn’t
expect to be standing atop a pile of bones.
"Alright,"
shouted Sparrow, "alright, what the hell is this?"
There was Jocasta
standing beside her. Sparrow thought she was just unruffled,
nonchalant, careless – but she looked a bit closer. Jocasta’s
eyes betrayed a wistful grief.
"This is how
far Jill is able to let you go right now," said Jocasta, not a
shout but a mere whisper, yet Sparrow heard her clear as day. "This
is...the doorstep, one might say. The first step to take...well, you
have to admit you’re in a dream."
"I know that
much!" shouted Sparrow.
"You don’t
truly believe it," whispered Jocasta. "You’re still
shouting like the flame and the noise are real. Go on. Whisper to
me." She smirked. "Whisper some sweet nothings in my ear."
Sparrow took a
deep breath – and then she stood on tiptoes to whisper in Jocasta’s
ear, "What the hell is a sweet nothing?"
Jocasta laughed.
"Whatever you like, honey." She kissed Sparrow on the
cheek. "Now, can you whisper from afar?"
Sparrow huffed.
Proving her lucidity, was it? A crash-course in lucid dreaming.
Fine. She backed up a few steps. Then a few more. Then a few more.
And a few more. And –
And she realized
she was standing amidst the flames.
She yelped,
jumped, ran forward –
…
Sparrow’s eyes
blinked open. She felt – she felt, that was the thing. Felt the
warmth of her beloved girls as they held her. Felt the weight of
their arms over her. She smelled the faint, comforting scent of their
bodies – she was awake, that was certain. Some senses didn’t make
it into dreams.
Jocasta shifted a
little and grumbled a little. Still asleep? Had everything
been a dream? Had Sparrow just been imagining everything?
Only one way to
find out. Sparrow closed her eyes once more and relaxed.
…
"Having fun?"
said Jocasta, standing there with a hand on her hip, as the flames
still whirled about them.
"How do I
know you’re not just a dream?"
Jocasta laughed.
"Well, I am certainly your dream girl." She
sauntered towards Sparrow, swinging her hips, a hungry look in her
eyes. "As you are mine, little bird."
This close,
Sparrow realized that Jocasta was standing a head taller than her,
looming like Jill did in the waking realm. Well, there was certainly
something representational there. The girl did love looming over
Sparrow as best she could in real life.
Jocasta put her
fingers under Sparrow’s chin and tilted her head up, bending down
to lay a gentle kiss upon her lips. "Love of mine, there is so
much I can teach you."
"See here’s
the problem," said Sparrow. "I know you well enough by now
that having you talk like that could easily come from my own
memories."
"Oh I wasn’t
trying to prove myself that way." Jocasta took a step back. "I
already have a way. Let us say, we wake up together."
…
Once more the
gentle warmth, the sheets beneath her, the arms over her –
The soft kiss on
her cheek. Jocasta giggled, and whispered, "Am I still your
dream girl?"
"Am I yours?"
whispered Sparrow.
Jocasta sighed,
resting her forehead against Sparrow’s. "For more years than
you might have guessed."
"Damn,"
whispered Sparrow. "I attracted the hot brunette. I bet everyone
wishes they were me. Not that they ought to."
"What price
we pay," whispered Jocasta.
"And all
this...this is our souls leaking into each other?" whispered
Sparrow. "How long have the shared dreams been happening between
you two? How long have you been journeying through Jill’s dreams?"
"Long as
we’ve been sleeping together."
"And how long
has Jill –"
"Morning,"
grumbled Jill.
"Whoops,"
whispered Sparrow. "Sorry, dear."
"It’s fine.
And to answer your question, it’s been every night for the last
seven years."
"Last seven
–"
"You might
find out if you dream with me," mumbled Jill. "Too long a
story to tell out loud. Goodnight." She rolled over, removing
her arm from over Sparrow and Jocasta.
"I suppose
there’s only one thing we can do," whispered Jocasta.
"What we
ought to be doing anyway," whispered Sparrow. "Night
night."
And she was asleep
in moments.
…
Yet again, the
whirling, roaring ring of fire.
"So this
isn’t really real," said Sparrow.
Jocasta shrugged.
"Is anything real in here? Am I real? Are you real? Oh,
goodness, perhaps we’re all figments of Jill’s
imagination!"
"Your
sarcasm is real,"
grumbled Sparrow. "Alright, so I admit I’m in a dream. What’s
the next step?"
"To take a step," said Jocasta. "Duh."
"Elaborate?"
"I mean the next step is believing there’s anything beyond the
fire," said Jocasta. "And of course you could prove it –
but you have to step through the flames. You have to believe it could
be true before you can prove it. Like in the waking world, I suppose.
Go on, step into the flames. They won’t bite."
"Unlike
you,"
muttered Sparrow.
Jocasta
grinned, showing her teeth. "Oh, you love
it when I bite, honey."
"Not when it’s my freaking earlobe! Not when it’s out of
nowhere!"
"So
you admit you do like
it, most of the time."
"ARGH!" Sparrow turned and stomped into the flames.
She
had hoped, half had expected, that this ring of fire would be thin.
She had thought she would just have to take a few steps through it
and then she would be on the Other Side and all would be revealed and
things would be all downhill from
there. But oh, no, it wasn’t going to be that
simple. No no no. She had to trudge her way through a field of flames
that seemed never-ending – nothing but fire ahead of her and
behind. And the farther she went, the louder the roar of the flames
became, and things began to
feel just a little hotter – she felt like the flames were actually
brushing her, now, increasing her temperature just a little as they
passed over her skin.
Wonderful, it was a goddamn psychological test. Well, at the very
least, she could fix some of that problem. She shook her wand out of
her sleeve, held it up, and cast a shield charm –
Which did not appear.
"Even better!" shouted Sparrow. "No magic in here!
Great!"
So she plunged onward, the roar of the flames giving way to a
different kind of roaring, as they started to sound very much like
angry people shouting at each other. And still the flames grew
hotter.
It was a dream. It was all frightening, but none of it was real. All
Sparrow would suffer was being forced to wake up again. She could get
through this. There was another side. Jocasta wasn’t playing a
prank – she’d made it utterly clear that she was done with those,
and certainly done with playing them on Sparrow. All Sparrow had to
do was find the other side out of this unreality.
Now the flames were genuinely painful, and the roaring was sounding
like something else – something a bit like, "You’re a dangerous child, we always knew," or
"Your Auntie couldn’t have been lying, it was a genuine
prophecy," or "you need to stay away from children,"
or – all manner of awful things to tell a child. Horrible. Who had
been speaking to a child this way? Who was the –
It
was Jill, they were talking about. Her Jill, her Jill
had been insulted this way, enough to create this sort of dream,
enough to wrap iron bands about her soul like Sparrow’s.
With
that realization Sparrow
took a deep breath, and dashed forward, the heat of the flames agony
over her skin –
And then it was all darkness, and silence, and cold.
And Jocasta was standing right beside her, on the pile of bones.
"All that stuff," said Sparrow, "that was all
metaphorical?"
Jocasta shrugged. "What isn’t, in a dream?"
"All the stuff at the end where Jill was being accused of
stuff," said Sparrow. "It wasn’t weird representational
dream shit. It was memory."
"Sadly," said Jocasta. "Some things...stick in the mind, as much as we would have them
fade. One wonders how much she is reliving that blame every time the
ones she loves are in peril? And worse, what if she has reason to
blame herself? But if you wish, you may see with your own eyes."
The darkness lifted a little. Or – it was more like there was
suddenly much more, within the darkness, than there had been before.
Things that were oddly visible, in that very way all her friends had,
not so much lit like it was day as outlined sharply in the dimness
like Sparrow’s eyes were sharp as a cat’s.
And Sparrow could see that the pile of bones she and Jocasta stood
upon was not a mere pile – no, not by far.
It was a mountain.
Down one slope of bones beyond counting, there stretched a great
field into the distance, a curious landscape of vast, tilted standing
stones, scattered boulders, bubbling pools of lava, any sort of
igneous obstacle one might consider – and, as Sparrow thought,
surely very many obstacles one couldn’t see until it was too late.
The obstacle course from Hell. No, not from hell, of Hell.
There before her lay what might as well have been the Valley
of Gehenna.
And at its far side, just on the horizon, there stood a vast stone
dome.
"Yeesh," said Sparrow. "Is Jill atop that other
mountain? Do I have to cross all that crap to find her?"
"If that is how you see it," said Jocasta, "then yes,
you may choose to brave that broken land, and find there our
beloved."
Sparrow wondered what the alternative could possibly be.
Then she turned...and saw what lay down another slope of the
mountain, at three o’clock. It was rather a narrow slice, in
comparison to Jill’s wide field, though it seemed to widen as it
went farther out. And it was, of all things, sunlit – a slice of
sunlit sky up next to darkness. One garden of pretty little trees
after another stretched into the distance, with patches of green
grass between them, herds of hard-hooved beasts roaming, gray clouds
hovering between the sky and the earth –
And in mere moments, it was completely
engulfed in flame –
Before the flames consumed all, burned themselves out, and left a
vast landscape of blackened bones, bare trees, and ash drifting on
the breeze, under the hard sun.
"Ah ha," said Jocasta. "Yes, I can see how your
nightmares work. Do you ever dream about anything else?"
"I’ve been blessed to suffer other dreams since we three took
up together," said Sparrow. "Quite the odd experience. Then
again...well shucks, I think the first time might have been when I
slept next to C...next to our favorite redhead. We’re all leaking
into each other, aren’t we? I wonder what kind of dreams he shares
with Iphis. I wonder what dreams Miranda might show us."
"You mean besides the ones they’ve all showed us?" said
Jocasta. "Ah, but their nightmares, that’s another matter. As
for mine...take a look."
Sparrow turned once more, to gaze out down the slope opposite the one
leading to Jill. This one seemed shorter – but now Sparrow could
see that it was just how the vast forest of gnarled and dead trees started well up the
mountain. It stretched out to the horizon, not a leaf upon its
boughs...and on the horizon, there lay some great manor. "Oh
wonderful," said Sparrow, "a nice stroll through the woods
and a hot cup of tea by a warm fire in a nice house. How about we go
that way?"
Jocasta interposed herself between Sparrow and the forest, stonily
stern. "You are not stepping through my door until I am
ready. And it’s the opposite of where Jill is, so I think you know
which way you’re supposed to be going?"
Sparrow sighed. She stood on tiptoes, moving to kiss Jocasta on the
cheek.
And then she realized that, in standing on tiptoes and leaning
forward slightly, she had upset her precarious balance on a skull,
and she stepped back hard, stumbled, slipped –
And she was sliding down the mountain, tumbling and bouncing
and skidding and rolling, her shouts of alarm and pain echoing in the
space above the clatter and rattle of bones. Down and down and down
the mountain she fell, in a blur and whirl of bones and darkness.
Miles and miles of chaos and misery, so much that Sparrow actually
started to get bored with it all, until – until at last she hit the
bottom, where she rolled over a swathe of sharp stones, finally
coming to rest, in pain.
But not dizzy.
She heard a continued clattering, and sprang to her feet to spring
out of the way of the avalanche of bones she had possibly created
behind her. But as she whirled around she realized that it was only
Jocasta, skidding and skipping fare more gracefully down behind her.
The girl lightly landed on her feet at the edge of the field of sharp
stones – bare feet, Sparrow realized, and she was just striding
over them like they were nothing. Which, to be fair, they were.
Jocasta smirked. "Did you have a nice trip?"
"Bite me," growled Sparrow. She struggled to her feet. "And
not in the fun way."
Jocasta laughed. "Not at the moment, certainly! Getting frisky
within someone else’s head – that would be fascinating, but not
fair. Go on then, get moving, you’ve got your princess in a castle to save." She nodded at
the hellish obstacle course. "Get lost."
"You’re...not coming?"
"This is your struggle. "I’ve already been
through it."
Sparrow put on her best puppy-dog eyes. "But I’ll miss you."
She pouted for good measure.
But Jocasta was unmoved. She pointed to the stones. "Go! And you
will see what I have seen!"
"Alright alright alright," grumbled Sparrow. She turned to
face this weird internal hell. This nightmare landscape of no clear
path – as Sparrow marched forward, she found herself trying to take
the easy way this way and that, skirting around the tilts of great
flat rocks and stepping around the bubbling magma pools, only to
discover that she wasn’t following anything like a straight line.
This was going to either be impossible to get through, or take hours
beyond counting, if she didn’t wind up going in circles anyway.
What on earth was all of this?
She turned back. But the path she had taken, she couldn’t see the
shape of anymore. It was all about the same to her. She couldn’t
see Jocasta. If the great stone dome hadn’t been on the horizon she
wouldn’t have been able to tell which way was which – and even
that was frequently obscured by great piles of stones. Forward and
backward, were they any different? Was she making any progress at
all?
She stepped around a tall standing stone –
And stumbled over a corpse, lying on the ground, charred
beyond recognition.
…
"I’m a wimp," whispered Sparrow, as she lay with her eyes
open in the soft, enveloping darkness.
"You found the first one then?" said Jocasta.
"What the heck do you mean first?"
"She dreams of you dying," whispered Jocasta. "There
are many ways for one to die. You might discover many of the rest, as
you try to reach her."
"Alright," whispered Sparrow. "I’ll see what I see."
She closed her eyes.
"And you call yourself a wimp," whispered Jocasta.
…
They were atop the mountain once more.
"Dammit!" shouted Sparrow. She stamped her foot, crunching
through fragile bones. "You didn’t tell me it’s back to
square one every time!"
"It isn’t," said Jocasta. "Do you see fire whirling
around you? No, you see the starting point of the stage you reached.
You have made progress, dear. You will make more progress, and
then you will reach the next stage."
Sparrow let out a long sigh. "I can try, I guess. But not
tonight. I’m fed up with this right now."
"Let’s not miss the dawn then."
…
First rays of light through the window. No need to shake Sparrow
awake this time.
But Jill was sitting up, bending over Sparrow where she lay. Kissing
her cheek gently, warming her a little more. "You would have
done well in Gryffindor," she whispered.
"Hmm." Sparrow pushed herself up with her elbows. "But
I’m not doing this to Be Brave, am I? I’m doing it because
someone I love dearly needs me." She rose a bit further and gave
Jill a peck on the lips. "You could use a little sunshine in
your life, you know that?"
"I’m looking at it right now," said Jill, and she scooped
up Sparrow, lifting her into a warm embrace. "Why, my arms are
full of sunshine."
"Now don’t be a hog," said Jocasta, as she rose to throw
her arms around the two.
Sparrow was at last released to recite the animagus incantation. And
after that, the three of them rose to dress for the day. After a
long night of dreams and metaphor, it was time once more to face
reality.
Though there was one more question. "I just don’t understand,"
said Sparrow, "how either of you manages to put up with those
kind of nightmares."
"After a while it just becomes the norm," said Jill.
"It’s
what we got used to," said Jocasta, "and if it was
painful, at least it was predictable. But oh, then you came
into each of our lives to shake everything up! Thanks for that."
Sparrow beamed. "I do my best."
"Now," said Jocasta, "if you will hold still."
She pointed her wand at Sparrow’s sternum, and cast a cone of green
light from it, running it up and down Sparrow’s torso, that funny
tingling feeling doing Sparrow no favors.
Jocasta then turned the light on Jill before the girl could react.
Casting it over Jill’s torso, Jocasta hummed thoughtfully, then
dismissed the spell, leaving Jill shivering slightly. She stood on
tiptoes to give Jill a kiss on the cheek. "No change in your
core, I wouldn’t say that’s bad." She turned to Sparrow.
"None for you either, honey."
Sparrow pouted. "I’d hoped a dream journey would do
something."
"Give it time," said Jill. "And we’ll see."