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Just something I wrote years ago and only yesterday re-discovered by accident. The text reflects a certain situation (and a certain relationship) I was in back then. What else can I say... don't let the first impression fool you, it's not angst you're reading. If that's the impression you get, read again, dig in between the lines and try to understand...


all these stages i've been through in my life, revealing me my part in this game we play - so sorry for understanding you better than you do yourself. treachery, it's just a part of the game. but the worms gain on you, don't you really see them already?

take off the shades you wear and see; I promise it'll never be the same again. ever. that's just how it goes, you have to wake up - all by yourself - one day or it's all over for you. the time is so short, and even now it's half used up. what's to be done with the half you still have?

walking blindly, all turned inside, afraid of how you might feel if you just let yourself feel. thoughts racing, fear, anger. the self-control some call cynicism. fuck that, it's just what's left of this all and even if even that doesn't work anymore it's still there. so embrace it with all your anger and frustration, but do spare some love for it too. if there's any of it left. touch and taste the feeling, anything, just understand.

it was all so clear it made me look away, close my eyes and not believe. i just refused to believe. now it's in my face and i want to claw off the skin. if pain is all it takes, then give me all the pain you have. make me writhe in your agony and cry out until the tears are gone and i'm all short-winded. just get it done with so i can let go and move on. that's how pain works, you go through it and the grip is lost. it never conquers, it just intimidates. and that, that is why pain will never win. because i know. and i want you to know too.

i know you're still just a kid (but hey there i am, just like you), so stay blind and blissed with childhood if you want. just do remember: one day you'll wake up and see, and when you do the dream never returns, and i know you'll wish you were still dreaming. i know, cos i was there myself. when you wake up, you're awake all the way. all the way.

the worms, they get on top of you and you know it - you just fear what it might be to admit it; even to yourself. treachery, in its cruelest form. it's when there's nothing more left to eat, but the hunger's there and the worms want more. they always want more. just work it out, so you don't have to take it out on others; the worms infest easily and they love being spread around. that's why you must work it out: to not end up eaten, or guilty of spreading the infestation.

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