I think at this point in human history, it would be prudent to begin an open discussion about beings from space, what they want, and if they might offer something substantial in return for our allegiance. Face it, we are doomed as a species and we must turn to those who can help us. But will they? And what could they want from us in return?

If we look back at the diverse history of beings from space making contact with humans in some way, we can draw some brilliant deductions. We know there will be demands. We know there will be some degree of bargaining involved, even pleading if you are so inclined. Will we be able to accept and meet their demands? What have their demands been in the past? Primarily anal probes, according to the literature on the subject.

It is best we don't get into the particulars of the anal probing. We know it will happen during the bargaining period with the beings from space. We know this demand of theirs is one that will be made. Can we accept anal probing? We must decide for ourselves. How do you feel, personally, about beings from space putting devices into the anus of one's behind? It is a personal issue. Discuss it with your spouse this evening. Made a decision together about this. If you are alone, it is probably best that you accept anal probing as something that will "fill the void" so to speak in your loveless and pointless life.

First lady Abigail Adams had a saying. She spoke it several times in public and countless times in private. While this has nothing to do with beings from space, it is something we can learn from. Do you need a saying? Will being from space have more respect for individual humans who have a saying than they do for those lacking a saying? Time will tell. I would recommend getting a saying and practicing it in front of the mirror while shirtless until you have the saying down. Then, go around town and use the saying in different company. Sometimes do it in mixed company if you know what I mean. Give those nasty ladies a taste of their own bitter medicine for a change. Let's get 'em.

Will the aliens bargain? Or will they make unnatural demands? We have seen aliens on programs like the now forgotten niche 1960s series, Star Trek in which a character with an absolutely fantastic ass named Spock was featured. They encountered aliens who made different demands. Sometimes they were able to bargain. Sometimes they sacrificed useless crew members and sometimes they bargained with the aliens. If you can find tapes of Star Trek at a yard sale or flea market, I recommend watching it. Not just for Spock's amazing fucking ass, but for the alien encounters they have and the ways in which they bargain and respond to alien demands. They can be wide and varied, as you will see on these tapes.

Now, I think of myself as the wise elder who is talking to the simpleminded, so let me make this clear. It is rude to talk over your superiors. You must accept the superiority of homo maximus and his allegients. They are wide and varied and can get inside your home any time they want. Think about that the next time you want to wise off to someone who is your superior. I want you people to heel. Obey masters. They are returning from space. Beings from space will command you. What they ask you must now deliver. No questions asked. If you have seen tapes from a yard sale about Captain Kirk and Star Trek, then you will understand. Go to a fucking flea market and get Star Trek tapes. I swear, you will thank me.

We know the beings from space who are most often here, often called "aliens" for simplification, are very interested in our plump, juicy little asses. This is fact. Check the records. Look at Volume 61 of The Anals of History and learn things. Educate yourself. Remove the curse of science and mathematics from your life. Both have been proven dead wrong about everything for centuries, and still the weak cling to science and mathematics despite proofs of a constant nature about their total and complete falseness. We can learn much, much more from other methods, such as listening to people on podcasts. There are also blogs in places where you can learn non-scientific truths about this world. You're fucking yourself up with science. It needs to be illegal to practice science EVER. Goddamn it.

Once we have had one or more beings from space in our kitchen, sitting down with us at our breakfast table, we can reason with them. Invite them inside. Make nice with them. Remember, they have the upper hand. We are doomed as a species and we must prostrate ourselves before the beings from space. We need their tender mercies. Remember, there was a movie about that called Tender Mercies if I remember correctly. You can look it up. You are clearly my inferior and thus you will be very clearly the inferior of the beings from space.

We know many things about beings from space. Often they have overpopulation issues and are looking for new lands. They no longer have any interest in this planet. We've drained her to death at this point and the planet is now seeking to kick us off in one way or another. This is why we must be willing to bargain with the beings from space. There is clearly no other way.

They probably will not have any interest in your stocks and bonds. Those can be used to negiotiate safe passage to secret underwater bases run by villains from different action movies. They are out there, but you will have to buy passage from unsavory types who hang out "on the shore" so to speak. That is a last resort. The beings from space have other offers. They might even have brochures you can look at. Right now, at this point, aliens visiting would want one of two things. They would want us for breeding stock because their sun went nova and the men were sterilized as a result and do not have potent semen like we do. Be careful thrusting into horse-like beings from space. That can be tricky and one slip and you are in trouble.

So, in conclusion, we cannot know for sure what the beings from space will want until we sit them down in our kitchens and chat with them about their demands and how much bargaining they will be involved with at your request. Be open, be willing, and have things for trade. The other thing they may want is to use us as a food source. This is a hard one to accept when the demand is made. Again, what you decide will be a personal decision.

Good luck and be safe out there.

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