Carrot Ironfoundersson

Corporal Carrot -- more recently Captain Carrot arrived in the city of Ankh-Morpork, near the Circle Sea on the Sto Plains a naive and inexperienced young man. To everyone's surprise, he has somehow managed to remain both naive and alive in Ankh-Morpork at the same time. Carrot has been instrumental in saving the city from danger more than once, and has also saved the life of the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, Lord Vetinari. Carrot has the pseudo-magical abilities of a king to be instantly obeyed and/or the centre of attention in every situation. He is currently (as of the last Discworld book I read) romantically involved with Corporal Angua, a very attractive blonde woman who is also a werewolf.

Morporkian Rhapsody - A Corporal Carrot Filk
To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody

You're not our real son
Give up this fantasy
You're on the tall side
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
Isn't the ceiling, just a bit close to you?
Carrot dear, it's time to go,
Don't you see the roof's too low?
You've outgrown the mine now,
Time to take the road to
-destiny-,

Carrot:
Minty, I'm leaving here,
They are sending me away,
I'll be going any day;
Minty, I will miss you so
But I'm off to be a man, within the Watch
Minty, ooo-ooo-oo-ooo,
Didn't mean to make you cry
I'll write to you when I get to Ankh-Morpork
Carry on, carry on, as if it doesn't really matter

Off now, my time has come,
My Protective on my head
Should it be elsewhere instead?
Goodbye everybody I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and start anew;
Ankh-Morpork, ooo-ooo-oo-ooo
It seems so far away,
But still I think it could be where I'm needed

l see a little silhouetto of a thing
Nobby Nobbs, Nobby Nobbs can he really be quite human?
Fred Colon and the Captain; what on earth is happening here?
Fabricate, Fabricate,
Fabricate, Fabricate
Fabricate Diem Punk; Protect and Serve
But I'm just a new boy and nobody knows me
But I have a rule book, know how it should be
The laws and ordinances of the city

Carrot & Captain Samuel Vimes (Vimes voice in italics):
Easy come easy go , you have to let them go
It's the law! No, we will not let them go let them go
It's the law! We will not let them go let them go
It's the law! Will not let them go let them go
Will not let them go let them go
Will not let them go let them go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Vimes:
Corporal Carrot, Corporal Carrot, Corporal Carrot let them go
Vetinari has some scathing words to say, to me, to me
to me

Carrot:
So you think you can get drunk leave things to rot
So you think you lay there and act like a sot
Oh Captain; can't let this happen Captain
You've gotta get up, you've gotta take charge of things now

Yes it really matters
Anyone can see
The city needs a Night Watch - The city needs a police force to be free.

Just leave it to the Night Watch (gong sound of salute as fist hits breast plate over heart)

Since the Other Noders' List just said I was noding a carrot, I thought I should.

Carrot Ironfoundersson was found by a tribe of Ramtops dwarfs as an infant. The baby was found in the wreckage of a carriage, along with the most unmagical sword the dwarfs had ever seen. Instead of having a magical aura, the sword was merely very very sharp and, in fact, looked like a sword for killing people with most efficiently.

Carrot was adopted by the King of the particular group of dwarfs who found him, and lived a happy, though stooped, life until his relationship with another (presumably female, but it's almost impossible to know, with dwarfs) dwarf, named Minty, became too worrisome for either of their parents to accept any longer.

Carrot was firmly but kindly told to leave the home mine and go to live with "his own kind" in Ankh Morpork. Before he left he was given a copy of the laws of the city and a "protective" device.

He arrived in the city with the laws memorised and a huge innocence. He asked for, and was given, lodging in a house of ill repute, in the Shades (the roughest part of the city) and reported for work with The City Watch the next morning.

During his time in the City Watch, Carrot struck up a romance with Angua, a werewolf and another policeman in the Watch.

Carrot's innocence and goodness( not to mention large size and strength), allowed him to reform the broken down City Watch into a an efficient crime fighting force in fairly short order, and he quickly became infamous among the city's nobility, as it seemed apparent he was the "Rightful King" of Ankh Morpork. Carrot himself, however, always sidestepped the issue when it was raised, and remained a policeman.