Your friend Behr, winner of many awards, has been working on the film adaptation of one of his Nobel Prize winning novels. I am on set daily now as a consultant while my beloved wife Trixie Goats is picking pockets at a Beverly Hills club where she is mingling with the rich and famous (something which will always be out of reach for someone like you).

Contract to Kill: Contract Cancelled was either my third or fourth New York Times bestselling book, which won both a Nobel Prize and a Lifetime Achievement Award at that year's Grammy Awards, although I did not show up for said event due to the presence of too much liberalism and I was unable to get in touch with Tim Allen or Gary Sinese for a date to the event and Kelsey Grammar hasn't returned my calls since the incident with the toaster and his girlfriend a few years back that I was involved with. He would have pressed charges, except I threw the toaster in the bathtub with the "doll" version of her that had been made by someone involved in movie magic.

The plot of the book involves a highly skilled assassin name Benzowitz who is hired by The White House and given a contract to kill. Then, a Democrat gets elected president and his contact is cancelled and his license to do murder is taken away. This provides dramatic tension as the man he was contracted to kill goes on a spree, causing havoc and death around the globe and there is no one who can stop him.

The country has been completely pussified within two months of the leadership of this liberal nutcase who has been elected. No one stands up for themselves as foreign actors are hired by the murderous terrorist guy that Benzowitz could have killed if he hadn't had his contract cancelled by the liberal president. Bombs are blowing up malls in Oklahoma, cereal mills in Vermont, and so on and so forth. It is out of control. So many foreign actors just pouring over our undefended southern border. He is approached by many patriots to ask him, plead with him, to help them out of this mess.

And I don't want to give any spoilers, but he eventually gives in, takes on his role as the assassin in spite of the misguided leadership of America, takes out the bad guy and his agents, and helps a Republican take back the White House with a rousing speech at the end.

You can look forward to it in limited release in December. My publisher, Random House is releasing a new edition of the book in August. Look for it.

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