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The other night, i decided to try to make the absolute worst dish possible out of the ingredients i had on hand. The last time i tried that, it turned out very well. The combinations of ingredients that sounded really bad together turned out to be really good.I was hoping that it might turn out that way again. It didn't.

DO NOT attempt to cook this! Do not attempt to eat it. Do not consider cooking this. Please shield your stomach while reading the following recipe. If you do cook this, don't. If you cook it anyways, throw it in the trash immediately after cooking. Do not allow your dog to eat it, because s/he will probably die.

That said, here's what i decided to work with:

And here's what i did with that terrible, horrible, no good very bad combination:

  1. put a bit of sesame oil to heat in the pan
  2. chop two slices of the onion and sauté it until translucent
  3. meanwhile, beat three eggs, a splash of milk, a teaspoon of curry, a half-teaspoon of turmeric, a good bit of chili powder, and a smattering of poppy seeds until thoroughly mixed
  4. add the egg to the pan, stir
  5. when the egg begins to harden a little, add a decent splash of soy sauce, stir
  6. scramble occasionally
  7. when the eggs are nearly done, add a small splash of orange juice, stir
  8. allow the orange juice to boil off, remove from heat, and serve

If you think that sounds bad, you're underestimating. If you think that sounds good, you're just plain sick. The orange juice boiling off was intended to impart a strong orange flavor and certain sweetness to the eggs. It does, for the first bite, and then after that it just tastes bad. Making the orange juice boil off ensures that the eggs be well overcooked and spongy. The deliriously atrocious combination assures that you taste nothing; rather, you experience only an ever-increasing sense of culinary unease. You eat the horrible, greasy, everything-nothing disaster of a food, and it falls into your stomach with a big plop! I found this dish very unsettling and quite dissatisfying, and it gave me a stomach ache. Please don't cook it. Please. I beg you.

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