Damn the man - Everything2.com

How to effectively Damn The Man

When inspired to carpentry, make a bong out of your Census 2000 packet
If you work in retail, make friends with your customers and then freely abuse them for tips
Upon receipt of your student loan confirmation and disbursement, actually go to class and get your learn on
While riding the elevator up to the floor where your cubicle is, rather than facing forward, turn around and face the back of the elevator. Giggle when people start to sweat.
Use your phenomonal cosmic powers for good and not evil
Declare yourself a member of the "HardCore Old School Political Party" - pay taxes with cows - storm the floor of Congress with a Flintlock .62 blackpowder rifle, proclaiming yourself the newest member of the Minutemen
Steal office supplies; donate them to the less fortunate
Make sure you are "Keepin' it real" at all times
Do not underestimate the inherant power of irony - For example, employers actually do read the part of the resume that says "Clubs and Organizations" so make sure this part of your resume could sweat irony if it were hot; good methods include joining the Black Panthers if you are white, the KKK if you are black, or pretty much any militant group that directly opposes who and what you are by virtue of birth. This is worth it just to watch their faces as they skim across it in the interview.
An identity crisis makes you much more difficult to fire, or even tax. Be Steve on Wednesdays, and if you really ARE Steve, limit being Steve to Wednesdays only.
Steal the local police paddywagon. Drive to your local college campus. Watch the hilarity ensue.
When being interrogated by the traffic cop that just pulled you over, make sure to use the word "pants" as often as possible: "Where's the fire, son?" "In my pants, officer!"
Let riot cops beat you unconcious. It adds to your overall "street cred."
Use AOL
Use Linux, but only to play video games
Protect democracy with the following steps:
- Vote in the presidential election
- When you find out how disappointing the result is and start thinking about how your vote doesn't matter, make it matter through democracy
- Run for president
- Attract an entertaining nickname, like "Huckster Duck" or "Fingerbang Johnson"
- During the race, require constituents and press to call you by the aforementioned nickname
- Get major party support
- Remember to protect democracy through due process
- Force the entire country to vote for you with threats of nuclear holocaust and invading alien forces
- Watch democracy at work as you become elected
- Hellllooooo, President Fingerbang!
Destroy all icons of consumerism with LAWS rockets and extreme prejudice
Except for Tower Records
Nothing gets the point across to the IRS agent auditing you like a clawhammer and some cement slippers
Fill out all official forms in Jive
Declare Jyhad on idiots
It is YOUR RIGHT by fatwa to murder anyone that drinks light beer
Never downplay your constitutional right to 40 acres and a mule. Call Spike Lee, pose as Mike Wallace, and tell him that Clinton has decided to make good on the offer. Watch the sparks fly when he shows up and gets disappointed!

Having a shoplifter arrested is apparently an act of racism	Get In Shape Girl	Empire Records	The Man
40 acres and a mule	jive	fatwa	The man is bringing me down
Flintlock	Mountain Dew LiveWire	Black barbershop	Political Parties that didn't quite make it
Getting out of a traffic ticket	Minutemen	Zen, hideous perfect Zen	thrifting
An incredibly stupid reason why I got called into the school counselor's office	Tower Records	Huzzah	Goldfinger
May 23, 2004	The Spring Pond Beavers	How to steal newspapers from newspaper vending machines	Rex Manning