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Title: Dan
Parody of: Stan by Eminem

My keyboard's cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain disturbs up my uplink, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your nodegel on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...

Dear Nate, I /msg'd you but you still ain't replying
I left my E-Mail, my AIM, and my ICQ number at the bottom
I sent two messages back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the Apache server or somethin
Sometimes I type addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your XP?
My merit's high too, I'm bout to be a Crafter
If I have a home node picture, guess what I'ma put there?
I'ma name it Nate.jpg
I read about your Brian Eno too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some hi-tech company who didn't want him
I know you probably read this everyday, but I'm your biggest user
I even found the underground nodeshells that you did with dem bones
I got a room full of your writeups and your home node pictures man
I like the shit you did with JayBonci too, that hack was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest user
This is Dan

My keyboard's cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain disturbs up my uplink, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your nodegel on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...

Dear Nate, you still ain't msged, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer users
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your server
you didn't have to, but you coulda bless with XP on Matthew
That's my old grandpa man, he's only sixty years old
We waited at the E2 Gatherings for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty unacceptable, Nathan - you're like his fuckin mentor
He wants to be just like you man, he even got more XP than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in #slashdot - you said if I'd /msg you
you would /msg back - see I'm just like you in a way
I am a perl monk, tweaking on ecore;
I used to always be like a MySQL hacker
I can relate to what you're saying in your writeups
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and read 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even told about how great is E2 to the press
Sometimes I even nuke my own writeups to see how much it hurts
It's like adrenaline, the database drain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My cat's jealous cause I'm noding 24/7
But it don't know you like I know you Nate, no one does
It don't know what it was like for geeks like us growin up
You gotta /msg me man, I'll be the biggest user you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Dan -- P.S.
We should be together too

My keyboard's cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain disturbs up my uplink, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your nodegel on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...

Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Msg-Or-E-Mail-My-Users,
this'll be the last /msg I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two E-Mails;
I typed the addresses in 'em perfect
So this is my MP3 I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the site right now, I'm noding 90 junk writeups per minute
Hey Nate, I drank a fifth of Vodka, you dare me to node?
You know that writeup by WonkoDSane, "E2 Mentoring Sign-Up"
about that user who coulda saved that other user from XP whoring
but didn't, then WonkoDSane saw it all, then at the Cool Archive he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from going
Now it's too late - I'm on nuking all my writeups now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy /msg or an E-Mail
I hope you know I ripped ALL of your Word Galaxies off the wall
I love you Nate, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope the database COLLAPSES AT YOU and you can't BOOT the server without me
See Nate; {*miau*} Shut up orange cat! I'm tryin to node!
Hey Nate, that's my cat miawing at the door
but I didn't take its food, I just closed it outside, see I ain't like you
cause if it starves it'll suffer more, and then it'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at 0 writeups right now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to post this writeup?
{*browser software destablizes* *CRASH*}

My keyboard's cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain disturbs up my uplink, and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your nodegel on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...

Dear Dan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy coding
You said your XP's high now, how far along is it?
Look, I'm really flattered you would name your image that
and here's 100 XP for your grandpa,
I wrote it on the Epicenter nodelet
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the E2 Gathering. I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to nuke your nodes too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Dan, I think you need some mentoring
to help your ass from bouncing off the nodes when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your cat need each other
or maybe you just need to treat it better
I hope you get to read this E-Mail, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Dan
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a user
I just don't want you to be like some crazy God
I seen this one shit on the site a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and requested all his nodes to get nuked to void,
he was reaching level 6, and his merit was too high to be told.
and in the home node they found some text, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his username was.. it was you

Damn!

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