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The Lecture of Death is an inane shout-fest delivered by one's parents which involves little or no rational thought on the part of the parents. Even though the child may have precipitated the problem, the parents go off the deep end and do not allow the child to have any input on the discussion. Here's how you defeat it:

My parents have tried the LOD a few times. All you have to do is deal with them like you would any screaming idiot. First, you have to get them yelling. Make them scream and rant like rabid animals. Then sit back, calm yourself, and let serenity wash over your face. Begin making your points in a cool, smoothly-modulated voice. Never interrupt. Always let them speak, and only talk when there is a break. Always the smooth, calm tone. After a minute, your parents (or whomever you're arguing with) will realize that they're the only one screaming, while you, sitting calmly, are a picture of serenity. This infuriates them even further, because they know that they acting like an idiot and, more importantly, that you realized that fact long ago. The whole point of the calmness/serenity act is to convey the message that "You are making yourself out to be a fool, and I am better than you." Never actually say this, of course. Just speak as if you were speaking to a child who is throwing a temper tantrum, and they will soon calm down and, hopefully, leave you the hell alone.

I've tried it. It works. Once they realize they've switched roles and become the screaming brat instead of the mature adults, you've won. Congratulations. Treat yourself to a cookie.

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