(Disclaimer: Any films I may have downloaded have been with the full sanction and express written consent of the MPAA and/or the United States Supreme Court.)

I'm sorry to report that in my extensive search for film using the Gnutella network, I have discovered a phenomenal dearth of good cinema in DivX format. Where is Pauly Shore's 1992 classic, Encino Man? Is there a single user sharing one single episode of the moving and sensational Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures animated series?

Oh sure, look for a film like The Godfather, The Ten Commandments, or Schindler's List, and it's there. Apparently, anything that hasn't been deemed "Oscar-worthy" by your precious Academy simply isn't within your intellectual capacity to grasp. While I was pleased to discover no shortage of users sharing Debbie Does Dallas, both the original AND the remake, it appears that the more cerebral and chilling films that touched the depths of our humanity, such as Deep Throat, Good Burger, and the Wayans brothers' timeless depiction of early seventies blaxploitation cinema, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka have all but disappeared from the network.

Until a more refined class of users join the Gnutella network, I fear I have no choice but to take my entire collection of Girls Gone Wild DivX movies offline.

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